A Dialogue of Sorts

Resident:So we have 3 cases today!
Me in my head: Dear God in Heaven help me
Me out loud: okay.

Resident: This patient has Hep C so med students usually don't scrub in
Me in my head: YES!! THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS
Me out loud: okay.

Resident: You need to scrub in on this one
Me in my head: DAMNIT!! ugh.
Me out loud: okay.

Resident: The next case should be here soon.
Me in my head: Dear God if I don't get out of here I'm going to go Mt. Vesuvius  in here
Me out loud: Do I have time for the bathroom?

Attending: Surgery is a contact sport! be involved!
Me in my head: Dear God are you serious? I have a hard enough time trying to look  interested in this shit.
Me out loud: okay.

Attending: That looks like a parasite fibroid
Me in my head: OMG just grab the scalpel and cut it open it could be a teratoma! This hell on earth could be SAVED!
Me out loud: can I touch it?

Resident: This ovary doesn't feel benign
Me in my head: good God, is it a tumor???? What if I get to take it to path? OMG TUMOR!!!
Me out loud: can I touch it?

Scrub nurse: Keep your hands on the table
Me in my head: yeah, I've already had surgery. Obviously. Since my hands were already resting on the field.
Me out loud:  okay.

Resident: You'll need to write notes on 2 pts in the morning and we'll round and write notes later
Me in my head: good. If I have to be in this OR for one more minute I'll try to pop your head like a zit due to my rage
Me out loud: okay.