Just In Time

So I'm down to a slightly runny nose and a terrible dry cough. I'm better just in the nick of time. The cough doesn't bother me, although I'm afraid it may bother the people taking STEP with me. So I have an entire bag of cough drops I"m bringing that will be refreshed every break. I really hope they'll last me the hour and I won't bother anyone terribly.

Also, since I had been sick since Tuesday, I'm voraciously cramming some last minute info into my head. I tried listening to heart murmurs, and they all sound the same. boiaineoivnaoeihjf-click. boiavnoeinfaoinove-click. except S4...that sounds like rat-a-tat-tat. Like seriously someone just posted an audio of them on a snare drum. That BETTER not be the case.

I'm pretty much ready to get this over with. I had lunch with Cupcake Queen, Aspiring Neurosurgeon, and our friend who'll be at UT Houston in the fall. I must say, Cupcake Queen and Aspiring Neurosurgeon seemed so relaxed. I have to admit I was jealous. Since I'm desperately trying to make sure all the info STAYS in my head for tomorrow. I think I've given up on adding. Just hoping what I know hasn't been accidently dumped already. I HAVEN'T GIVEN THE GO SIGN YET BRAIN!!!!!

Ok, so after my 4 hour nap (oops) I'm going to look over some last minute pics, then read over some notes I took over world and call it a day.

Did anyone notice that USMLE world said bronchogenic carcinoma was #1 for asbestos exposure, but the buzz words in First Aid said Asbestos=mesothelioma? Well, hopefully I just won't get a question on that. Or at least, both won't be in the answer choices as the same time.

Good luck to all those tomorrow! Let's all have GOOD VIBES! rock it out, may 29th-ers!!!

FML

stuffy nose: check
sore throat: check
chills perhaps fever (can't find a thermometer): check
cervical and submandibular lymphadenopathy: check
general feeling of crumminess above the neck: check
being heavily medicated to where I don't know my name: check
drinking lots of fluids religiously:check
vitamin C and B-complex supplements: check
Waking up at 1 am to cry hysterically because if this doesn't go away by friday morning, I'm going to fail step due to being very ill: CHECK CHECK CHECK

if I still have chills in the morning I'm going to the doctor. Then calling Momma Medschool's office and seeing if i can move step back. I don't know since I'm past the 5 day deadline and I don't know if the prometric site will have an opening.

I can't fail because of the cold or flu. I just can't. They won't let me, will they?

Good luck to Cupcake Queen, Aspiring Neurosurgeon, and all others taking step tomorrow. I'll be sending good vibes your way!

Happens Every Time

4 days before step, I wake up feeling like i've swallowed hot lava, and my face is going to explode somewhere around the bottom of my eye socket. Yes folks, I am officially sick. I'm praying it's an allergy exacerbation from the new animals and unfamiliar house. I really really really hope it's not a cold or some type of flu. That's all I need...to fail step because I feel like death warmed over.

Excuse me while I take a benadryl chased with an espresso shot so I can stay awake and flip my shit about the entire situation.

Please send good healing thoughts my way. I don't want to be sick friday!

Judge's Verdict

It's official. I have peaked in step study. Actually, looking back, I should have taken it this past weekend. I think I would have been ready. Now I'm just trying to hold in all the info until friday where I can purge it on the screen.

Staying at the bro's house is amazing. It's always so hard going back home after something like this, because i enjoy being on my own SO MUCH. Oh well, only 2 more years. Then I can buy a huge old colonial house in boston or something. It'll pay off.

I think for my birthday this year, we should have pony rides. Just throwing that out there.

Taste the Rainbow

So I think one of my favorite candies of all times has to be Skittles. As a kid, I used to separate them all by color, then take each color, but the entire batch in my mouth, chew until my jaw fell off, then picked the next color and did it all over again. (OCD anyone?). Sometimes, I still do that. Although my jaw muscles aren't as good at chewing up candy as they were when I was 5. Reason for mentioning this? Skittles have been my step study treat and savior. They make me happy. Plus, I don't eat the whole bag in one sitting and I adjust the calories/exercise as needed, so they're not making me feel guilty. Besides, we all need to do something that makes us happy, no?

5 days and counting. I need to learn biochem, but at this point I don't think I can. I'm pumped about getting my brother's house all to myself until the 28th. He and his wife went to orange beach and I get to house and animal sit for them. Almost an entire week of disturb-free studying! To quote Will Smith, "parent's just don't understand".

Well, I should say good luck to all of us who still have STEP looming, and Congrats to those who have finished it and now can do the ultimate brain flush.

I shall now return to getting my ass handed to me by USMLE world qbank.

The Easy Button

Where is that damn "easy" button when you need it? Today has been shit-tastic as far as USMLE world. I've dropped a good 10-15 % points from where I was the other day. I hope I haven't peaked and the information has started leaving my brain. I'm hoping to chalk this up to I'm on the other side of 1,000 USMLE world questions and still feeling like slightly warmed up poo from giving platelets (where as this morning found out it was a combination of dehydration and caffeine withdrawl since I skipped my afternoon coffee break).

I'm now officially getting ready to get this damn test over with. I just hope the info stays where it is and I can put off the liquefactive information necrosis from happening until May 30.

Happy Stepping.

Gossip Whore

Ok, so one of my many guilty pleasures is reading online celebrity gossip. I know, how estrogen filled is that? BUT, in my defense, it gives me a reason to laugh. And sometimes, it makes me feel smart. And these days, I need something to make me feel smart. Because studying for step SURE as hell doesn't.

Ok, so with that said, I have to join in on the celebrity gossip/cutdown and channel the guy from D-listed.

Why in the hell would ANYONE think this is appropriate in public? When your dad is a washed up over-bleached balding mullet wrestler from the 80's and your mom looks like she walked straight off the tranny train, why in the world do you think anyone would want to see this?! Look, I'm not stranger to thick girls. I've pretty much been overweight all my life. Plus, I'm short and stocky. So I understand that some of us are just built like linebackers. I realize that this girl is tall and thick. BUT THAT DOES NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD WEAR A SPORTS BRA AND WORKOUT PANTS IN PUBLIC. This girl needs a firm slap with the fashion stick. I wanna see her ass on "What Not to Wear" so Stacy and Clint-un can slap her upside the head and put her in clothes. And no, epidermis doesn't count as clothing!

When you are a public figure and walk around like this, yes the paparazzi will photograph you. Yes they will write about how fat you are and say mean things. Yes, you brought it on yourself and no, you don't need to whine/cry/blame society.

Ok, now moving away from celebrities. There is this girl that I know from highschool that has a blog. And every now and then, I would read it to keep up with her. We weren't best friends or anything, but I was good friends with her two older brothers growing up and I liked to semi-keep up. She got knocked up in college and subsequently haphazardly threw together what we in the south like to call a "shotgun wedding". Something must have happened to her during childbirth, because her head has now securely become wedged up her naive ass where she lives in a world where she thinks her shit doesn't stink. All she does is bitch about how little time she has now that she is responsible for a human being, how hard nursing school is and how much more she knows than the medical students, how not getting a job at the VA is some sign from Jesus that she needs to open up her own craft/baby clothing store instead of working as a student nurse, or how her mom (who lets her married ex-knocked up immature child stay with her for free under her roof) is just so negative and she needs to move out because it's not working for her or her husband.

First off, this child needs to be hit with the REALITY stick of how fortunate she is. She also needs to be put in her place about her apparent superior knowledge on everything medical compared to doctors. She needs a large dose of shut the fuck up followed by a grow up booster. If she wanted to open up her own business, she should have gone to business school. Last time I checked nursing school didn't give you a window of opportunity to open up your own business. And...you're smarter than a doctor, right? Besides, her little craft projects and "awesome" paintings look like 8th grade projects. I think my 4 year old niece could spit out the same quality in artwork as this girl. She also needs to stop bitching about how hard being a mother and a wife is and realize that it's not playing house like 8 year olds think it is. She should have thought about all that before she had sexy times with her boyfriend with no protection and getting knocked up. Dumbass.


Kate Gosselin. She needs to join Brooke Hogan on What Not to Wear but bypass the clothing and go straight to hair. Nick Arrojo will probably just shave it all off and giver a wig. I think that's what needs to happen. It seriously looks like she fell asleep on the couch and her 8 children thought it would be funny to cut mommy's hair. Because that seriously looks like one of the haircuts I gave my barbies back when I was 5. And with her new found shrew attitude, no wonder rumors of infedelity are flying. Because your husband would quit you faster than you could tell if you became a swirling cesspool of narcissism. Also, having his nuts in a cock-block vice doesn't help either.

Ok, so that was my fun study break of the night. Sorry to be so catty and gossip like, but they all deserve it. Maybe next time I'll talk about the OTHER girl I went to high school with that has now decided that she can explain all drug effects, actions, and side effects because she's a stay at home mom and has a pharmacist husband and the power of pro-life on her side.

UGH!

Happy Step everyone.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

My days have become pretty mundane. Wake up. Make coffee. Pack everything. Settle in classroom wing. Study. Lunch break. Study. Dinner. Study. Bed.

Repeat.

I'm at 12 days and counting. I'm close to sheer panic, but I think it'll take it's full effect when I reach single digits.

I took some off time this weekend. I didn't get much done yesterday on the account of my friend's Lingerie shower. It was a well needed break. I got to catch up with a lot of people. And I also ate myself stupid on sausage dip. That means double time gym-study combination in the next 45 minutes.

I'm starting to get very distressed over the fact that my overall performance on USMLE world has hit a plateau. I eventually saw some (although minimal) progress on overall percentages but now they've slowed to a stubborn halt. and no, not at the 70% that they recommend you achieve before taking STEP. More like "if i continue at this pace, I may not even pass the damn thing". Plus, with my nerves fraying Dr. Pathologist has found endless entertainment in calling me up and quizzing me on the most ridiculous of renal pathology. Haegman factor? Really? I don't even remember what the hell that is.

The only good thing that will come out of just being done with step is starting M3 year. I know, 2 weeks into it I'll already be threatening to drop out and become a penguin washer at SeaWorld, but I'm at least excited to be starting off on specialties. I start on Plastics with Two Tiny Letters (which I am COMPLETELY pumped about) and I got transplant like I wanted! And all I have to say is thank the Lord Sweet Baby Jesus I did NOT get neurosurgery. That in itself will make surgery a better rotation. I eventually round it up with general and SICU. So I'm actually getting pretty pumped about my surgery rotation. I just hope I don't end up liking it, because the last thing I see myself doing (besides anything involving neuro) is surgery. But we'll see. I'm not against it completely. Just reluctant.

With that being said, I need to get on it so I can at least break 200 on this stupid test.

Good luck to everyone!

My Defense Mechanisms

So, I have about 16 days and counting until I take the USMLE STEP 1 exam. I basically spend all day either doing USMLE world questions or reading my First Aid. Of course, that's all accompanied by at least 1 freak out per day. Whether it's because I got a 30% on a question block that has a 56% average, or I take a NBME practice test and make a 186, or I take the USMLE world assessment test and realize I do worse the second time around on subjects I dominated the first time. Plus, 2 weeks of intense preparation have resulted in minimal progress (read: probably by chance)

So, I have decided that I engage in several primative (immature) and less primative (mature) defense mechanisms.

1. Acting out-unacceptable feelings and thoughts are expressed through actions. Example: tantrums. This is what I do at least once a day when I become frustrated with myself and the fact I suck at med school.

2. Denial-avoidance of awareness of some painful reality. Example: I tell myself that these tests are hard on purpose to scare us into studying and I really don't know THAT little. This happens shortly after my tantrum and help me take some deep breaths so I can get back to studying. Surely I don't do that bad on step. Will I?

3. Regression-Turning back the maturation clock and going back to earlier modes of dealing with the world. Example: crying. well, I'm not much of a cryer, but I have had some tears well up lately

4. Suppression-voluntary withholding of an idea or feeling from conscious awareness. Example: choosing not to think about the exam until the week of it. I try not to think about it, or think about how little I apparently know. I think Denial feeds this in my head and vice versa.

So there you go. I have admitted that studying for STEP has made me completely bat shit crazy (probably more on that to come) and we all learned of different defense mechanisms including real-life examples.

Thanks for playing.

I Suck

2 min, 1/4 mile if you round up, fast walk for 28 min. Where did that 3/4 of a mile in 6 min go? geez!

Also, according to the NBME, I'm going to do just good enough on step to pass, but become a psychiatrist. Not even the family medicine or internal medicine people would take me (seeing how there is a desperate shortage and they are trying to get numbers up. According to NBME I shouldn't even BE in med school). Ugh! I've got a long way to go in 22 days!

I feel like I don't study enough. Sure, I'm off my computer and have first aid in front of me. But I catch myself staring out the window or just at some dot on the wall. It's like my brain is refusing. Especially with BIOCHEM. and I didn't go to their reviews either. their powerpoints didn't teach me anything last year, and they won't teach me anything this year either.

I hope everyone is getting off to a better start. I also hope that NBME and USMLE world qbank hasn't destroyed anyone else's soul, hopes, and/or dreams.

I Miss the 90's

24 days and counting. I actually managed to get higher than USMLE world avg test taker's score! wahoo! That'll probably be the ONLY time avg is 56% and I make 57%. haha.

Took a study break to gym. Still haven't climbed back on that treadmill. It'll happen soon. Did 30 min of elliptical at 20 resistance. Did lunges/squats/calf raises yesterday so my entire lower body is sore. Gotta lose a little weight before my beach trip!

And can I just say that I think there needs to be a petition for MTV to change their name. I haven't seen a full length music video (therefore excluding the sorry excuse for the music video countdown that was TRL) since 1997. They are no longer music television. It's crappy reality and the embarassing remnants of the show The Real World. They need to be re-named Reality TV or Brain Rot TV or something like that. Because they are getting credit for what they used to be, which was a completely awesome channel full of music videos and everything to do with music. Which it no longer is. So please, people at "MTV". Change the name. You only bring disappointment when I eagery flip to your channel in hopes of seeing quality. You no longer provide me with Ozzy Osbourne's latest music video, episodes of Ren and Stimpy or Beavis and Butthead, or The Real World: Seattle. So give it up. Change the name, and let the wonderful memories of what you were remain as is. Don't pollute them with what you have become.

26 Days

I have 26 days left to study for STEP. Let's just say, the fire under my ass has been lit. Granted, it's been hard getting back on the study wagon but it's getting easier the more i remind myself of the impending deadline.

I went to my friend's wedding last night. she looked absolutely beautiful. I'm really happy for the both of them. And I also ate about 10 lbs of awesome chicken salad sandwich, chicken, and the wedding cake that was so awesome. I had a great time and I was really happy to find that the dress I bought for the wedding fit me better last night than when I bought it. Thank you calorie counting and running!

Well, I don't have much to talk about. I'm starting off on biochem and will work my way thru the rest of first year material. The diagnostic I took the other day scared the ever living shit out of me, but it was good because it showed me that all the first year material has left my face. So what did I do? Made blueberry muffins this morning.

Also, I'm really excited about my new glasses. They're kinda vintage looking. Very 1950's cat eyed with a little something on the sides. woot! Now if I could just decide what I want to do with my hair, I'd be all set.


Now onto Glycolysis, Gluconeogenesis, HMP shunt, and rate limiting enzymes! Ugh. Someone stick a fork in my eye to make the pain go away.