Twenty-Ten.

Or will it be two thousand and ten? That's not important. The topic now is new year's resolutions.

I think I've seen about 20 Weight watchers AND nutrisystem commercials within the past hour or so. Granted, I think I battle my weight daily and not just for 2-3 weeks at the beginning of January. So, I really thought and this is what I came up with:

1. Run a 5K by the end of the year. I've always wanted to be a runner and what's the best time besides the present? Plus, I know it's going to be hectic in 2010 with Step 2's and residency stuff. So 12 months to train to run 3 miles should be reasonable

2. Try to eat better on a daily basis. I think I'm one of the "Low GI" food hippies. I see the point of eating things that don't cause blood glucose and insulin spikes. Plus, with my unnatural fear of one day developing diabetes I think it would be good for me to embrace whole wheat and more fruits/veggies. Plus I think "eat better" than "lose 60 lbs" is much more psychologically healthy. Focus on the health, not the scale.

3. Be more of a minimalist. In being american I've grown up around the whole "excess" mindstate. I however really enjoy being more "bare necessities" and whatnot. So I'm going to try to make a conscious effort to only buy what I need and use what I have. Don't confuse this with pack rat. Just more questioning any and all purchases I make.

And with that, I'll see you guys in the next decade. haha.

Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas to everyone! I know I'm not british, but I like to pick up on the cooler than cool lingo every once and a while.

Our christmas celebration took place on christmas eve. And this year without too much of a rucus.
Highlights include:

• my mother trying to micromanage right down to the type of knife to use while cutting the ham
• my sister gifting me champagne and oj, where we proceeded to drink mimosas all night
• Gryffin attacking my sister then proceeding to hide under the china cabinet until all children vacated the building
• getting about 4-5 "merry christmas" texts from numbers I don't even know
  
• Awkward presents from my brother's soon to be ex wife who didn't come but sent gifts anyway
• my brother and sister taking off with the majority of the leftovers (I'm angry they took ALL the broccoli and cheese casserole)
• the "honey" ham complete with red pepper flakes (sans fennel seeds thank god) actually coming out tasty!!!
  

I'm just taking today easy. I'm planning on cleaning my room and bathroom very well, then maybe doing something later with people. I've also been seasoning my wok (omg it's so pretty) and counting down the days until I move out so I can use my very pretty kitchen Aid Mixer (a big surprise from my parents. thought i was going to get that NEXT year). So maybe next year I'll just ask for a puppy? haha. Probably just money for the interview trail (eek!).

Anyway, hope everyone's christmas was filled with joy and family.

Now for some cuties:
niece and nephew with homemade hot chocerate (haha Aspiring neurosurgeon! or should I say COLORECTAL SURGEON! tee hee)
The goofy brother with whipped cream on his nose

Gryffin was the keeper of the presents.

Holidays

Finally, a break. What I've accomplished so far: catch up on my sleep debt, get completely wasted and then regretted it the next morning, hang out and bowl with some out of town friends who are home for christmas, and chop off all my hair.

That's right. Here's the pics to prove it.
ok, wow, my nose looks big in this one.back/side view. It's a little longer in the front than the back.

It's growing on me. At first I was like "omg it's so cute" then a minute later i was like "shit" now I'm like "yes". haha. It's fun and I'm glad I cut the hair short because 1. It wasn't growing long fast enough 2. there was just too much hair 3. It's a little too short to fully pull back so it'll make me fix my hair in the mornings. I also went and treated myself to a couple of headbands. So far I've had a lot of positive feedback from people. I think my favorite thing is the BANGS.

So, beginning tomorrow I will commence the bake-a-thon. I'll be making those peanut butter cookies with the hershey kiss in the middle as well as the good ol' sugar cookie. Plus bread. Those will be what the good boys and girls get in their stockings for christmas from me this year. Since I didn't have time to buy presents (or go out in that traffic. Good lord, I just want to stay at home!) so I'll just be baking mine. I'm pretty pumped. I've also sent out christmas cards for the first time ever so that's a fun thing. I think next year I'm putting a santa hat on gryffin and doing one of those custom picture cards. I'm sure it's going to be hilarious.


Other than that I'll be enjoying my time away from the hospital. And omg, I forgot how nice wearing sweatpants and jeans as a main staple of clothing could be. yay for christmas holiday!!!

Speaking of yay, it's cold in the house. I've assumed this position on the couch for most of the day.
Merry Christmas!!!!

Saying Our Goodbyes

I think within the past week I've had to do some of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I had to say goodbye to my dog of 16 years. I've gotten better about talking about it, but it still makes me tear up. If you're ever around me and see me tear up out of the blue, you know I'm thinking about my dog. She was old. And senile. She couldn't hear or see. She had peed on herself while asleep. She spent the last few nights of her life crying as if she was in pain. She had been my baby for the past 16 years. So on the first of two whole days I got off from medicine, I took her to the vet. I won't go more into it, but I never left her. I held her head in my hands and still pet her even after her heart stopped. I even cried in public. I miss her every day. I come home and don't see her. Today when I got home from the store I called for her to take her out (it was one of my routines) but then I remembered. It's so hard, but something I knew would come one day. I just hoped that she'd just never wake up one day instead of having to hold her and watch as she took her last breath. What's worse was that I wanted to scream "I changed my mind! put her back! bring her back!" but I knew I couldn't. It was final. It was done. She was gone.

In with that whole goodbye theme my life has recently taken, I also had to give back sweet precious little kitty. Mainly because Gryffin has spent most of his days trying to murder her. We found out that spraying him down with water was the only way to get him off her. So back she had to go. I'm really sad but I know it's better for her. I really did want to keep her. She was so so so sweet.

So really, the past week has really sucked for me. Not only because of my overanxious partner (granted my eval from my attending was surprisingly positive. I was just happy the word "slacker" was never mentioned) but because I've lost 2 animals in the past week. I just hope that christmas time will be pleasant. I know I need the time off just to collect myself and sleep and just be normal. Medicine really sucks. I think it actually sucks worse than surgery! Luckily my time on blue medicine will end friday at 5 pm.

Speaking of sucky hours, I need to get ready for bed. Got to be up early to pre-pre round.

Gunners and the Rules of Dating

Does anyone remember the beginning of med school, where we were warned of gunners and learned that it carries a very negative connotation? Let's review.
Gunner: A person who is competitive,overly-ambitious and substantially exceeds minimum requirements. A gunner will compromise his/her peer relationships and/or reputation among peers in order to obtain recognition and praise from his/her superiors.

My current partner tends to fit this discription. Now, I'm not saying he's an ass. He's actually really nice and I find it easy to get along with him. And I did confront him on 1. his reputation that is quickly turning toward gunner and 2. the elevator situation. He basically said that he's not "gunning" and that people can think whatever they want. Also, the elevator situation was a misunderstanding. But he thanked me for letting him know. Because honestly, I'm going to tell you once and leave it.

Some Evidence that supports the assumption of gunner:
1. he currently has 5 patients. I have 3. I offered to pick up another, and the resident told me that it would be too much, and to not do it. It was better to know 2-3 patients well than more and not so well. But I don't understand why he feels the need to have so many. Why can't we have the same number?
2. He stays behind and tells me to go home and he'll "wrap it up". Most of the time I don't care. But when the resident says "You're carrying the list" or "you're going to make a great intern" it causes me to worry that I am being outshined, even though I'm doing exactly what I was told to do. And even though I want to do path, it doesn't mean I don't want to do my job and carry my weight as well.
3. The hovering. Maybe that's more of a pet peeve thing, but the looking over the shoulder while you write notes. Or "dont' forget to put down renal consult". Or even looking through the papers I'm holding IN MY HAND to "make sure the resident note wasn't in the stack".

Bottom line: no one wants to work with him. He's gotten a bad rap amongst students. Maybe the gunners do get the better recs and maybe his eval will say "awesome hard worker, great student, knows everythign" and mine will say "average", but the fact that I haven't heard one person want to be his partner on VA is concerning. I would hate if anyone thought i was a gunner. Or even worse a slacker. I think i would honestly cry if I found out NO ONE wanted to be my partner. I would just think with the feedback i gave him he would have calmed down some. Seems like it just made him worse. In a way I'd like a resident to tell him that he needs to cool it. But i know that won't happen. I just dont' want a bad evaluation myself because I seriously feel like I'm being outdone.

Speaking of bad evaluations, how about we talk about all the things NOT to say to a girl you've recently met and/or started showing interest in, shall we?
1. Don't ask "what does it take to get into your pants" 30 min after we start texting each other. it's a quick road the the "do not respond" list.
2. don't text me with your random thoughts or to wish me a good call. As endearing as some people may find this, it annoys me. stop.
3. Don't start talking to me and immediately tell me you're into a "no strings attached f-buddy relationship" or tell me you're not into monogamy or having kids. I mean, seriously?

So yeah, that sums up the last few days. I still hate medicine, and I hate not having a day off even more. What's worse is I'll be post call the day of my test. Can't wait to see what that grade is going to be. Speaking of post call, I'm off to bed.

M3 Progress Note Blue Medicine

25 y/o WF presents to ER with bilateral self mutilation of the wrists c/o feelings of dispair and frustration s/p 2 weeks on internal medicine service with no day off. Denies CP, SOB, N/V/D, NS, F/C
ROS: + insomnia, sleeplessness, decreased appetite, weakness, headache. otherwise negative.
Vitals: Tm: 97.6 HR 85 RR 18 (because it's always 18) BP: 112/68
PE: Gen: WDWN clearly distressed with a wild look to her eye resembling a caged animal, labile mood
CV: RRR no MRG
Lungs: CTAB no WRC, good air movement
Abd: s/nt/nd NABS no HSM noted
Ext: MAEW.
Neuro: PERRL, EMOI, CN II-XII intact, reflexes 2+
musculoskeletal: no atrophy, 5/5 movements in all limbs
GU: no dysuria, hematuria, oliguria
Endocrine: no heat/cold intolerance, hyperphagia, nocturia, polyuria
Psych: labile mood noted

Plan: 1. CT head due to headache and depressed mood r/o tumor
2. EKG
3. Chemistry, CBC, CXR
4. consult vascular and plastic surgery.

Don't be surprised to see this in the UMC system anytime soon. Medicine sucks. I mean, I see how some people like it. But not me. Rounding on people 3 times a day, updating the list several times, ordering test after test, changing someone's fluids from NS to 1/2 NS, adding potassium, waiting for the CBC to come back, it's so...detailed and micromanaged. I just don't have the patience for it. And the prescriptions. I hate pharmacology. No matter the setting. And medicine is all about some, well, just that. medicine. yuck.
2 more weeks till christmas. My first day off is thursday, and I get to spend that putting my dog down because it's the only time I have. so yeah, I can do this, right? Then I'll only have 1 month of house medicine ever and then never again. Why can't I be one of those people who loves everything, instead of disliking it all?

Yeah, completely set on pathology. now to just make up my mind where I want to do residency...

Easier Said Than Done

So project new kitten isn't going so well. I was prepared for the hissing and growling from Gryffin. I wasn't prepared for catatonic kitty depression, personality changet from best friend to antisocial doesn't want anything to do with anyone, or go up to people and instead of being friendly start biting for no reason. So we're trying to see if I can help out my Fashionista friend by finding kitty a good home. We've come close twice. One couldn't because her roomate is allergic. Apparently nosebleeds are associated with kitten dander? Didn't learn about that one in immunology. And the second one, his wife basically came up with a list of excuses so he can't take her either. Both fell absolutely in love with the kitten. She is adoreable, sweet, and very VERY cute. But I have to say my first priority is Gryffin and he's just absolutely miserable. It breaks my heart. If we can't find a home we may just keep her and make her outdoor/indoor kitty.

Aside from feline household drama medicine, well medicine blows. I don't want to do that for a living. Studying the molting patterns of penguins in the south pole sounds like a better plan to me. I definitely realized I don't enjoy patients at all. I don't like the questions and the explaining or the complaining. You're in the hospital because we're trying to make you better. Not like you're going to do anything about it after you go home anyway but at least we're trying. So basically unless I somehow 1. change my mind 2. decide neuro doesn't still give me PTSD or 3. I can handle surgery on an OBGYN basis then I'm doing pathology. For realz. No questions, no medicines, no notes. My idea of a perfect job. Plus 8-5 days, at home call, and no weekends. Win. Also, I won't be responsible for calling up some stupid medical records at some office clinic just to get some voicemail recording on how the lady that does medical records is busy. I mean, I did medical records for 4 years. I always answered calls. And at least my stupid recording would have included "If you wish to fax a request, our number is blah blah blah, blah blah." Instead of me leaving some stupid voicemail for you to call me back ASAP (luckily I spared her the thought of "i'm post call and would like to go home. this number is separating me from my bed and it could end badly for you if I ever meet you in real life) just to wait 20 min for NOTHING. So I search more, get what looks like a fax number, and just send it. If you're going to have voicemail, but down pertinent things LIKE PHONE NUMBERS.

Honestly, hasn't nature found a new way to employ natural selection? Now the dumb people are just breeding together causing a new super breed of moron.

Easier said than done, I suppose.

Upside Down

My Fashionista friend brought over a very cute black and white kitten for me today. I took her straight to the bathroom for her "safety room" so she can get adjusted and get a vet visit in. Gryffin went from "hey what's going on" to "HEY! WHAT THE HELL.IS.GOING.ON". Needless to say, he went from a confused/curious to pissed. Very quickly. He bit me when I picked him up (he never does that-shows you the degree of angry he is currently occupying) which is usually his favorite thing ever. Right now he's on the other couch glaring at me. He's spent the majority of the day outside the bathroom staring down the door. When I'm in the bathroom playing/bonding with kitten (to be later named. I think she's a girl so suggestions welcome!) he sits outside and occasionally growls. It's actually really funny to me. What was even funnier was when my parents got home. the kitten heard my dad and started growling herself. Priceless!

So I'm doing the introductions slowly. I can't really put them in the same room until vet on Tuesday (kitten appears to have tapeworms. Don't want Gryffin getting it). So hopefully he'll get used to the idea/smells by then. Kitten seems to be doing just fine. She's a little skiddish, but took to the litter pan immediately (yay!) and to her food bowl. She doesn't like toys too much-she prefers fingers. And she's gotten close to meeting the squirt bottle as she likes to attack and bite legs.

So that's the newest and most exciting thing. Thanksgiving went well in a very crowded way. I got to talk to my cousin's brother in law for a while. We talked on healthcare and the justification of the FDA. It was good, I didn't get overstimulated with all the company. Now I'm just really enjoying my break before 3 straight weeks of house medicine. Not entirely looking forward to it. I'm apprehensive about my partner. I woudln't be surprised if I end up going in early monday morning because he won't want to use the "our break officially ends at 8 am" cop-out. Ugh.

I'll have to post pics as soon as I get them. I'm sure the cat drama will be occupying my time for the next few days. Poor Gryffin-I realize his world has been turned upside down. As well as my official declaration that yes, yes I am now the cat lady.

Weighing In

Just FYI: it's really hard to type on a computer when your cat refuses to get out of your lap.

So...finished up psych. It wasn't that bad really. I was scared at first, then got used to it. By the end I was tired of feelings, but for a while I could have seen myself doing it if I didn't already have a fancy toward path. I'll still have to think about it. I know that it's noncompetitive and there's a massive need. So two good things toward getting into a residency far, far away.

On to medicine next. I'm not completely pumped mainly because I remember how much a 3 month rotation sucks. Because after about 2 months nothing seems too exciting. Especially if you don't like it. The rotation is all split up due to the holidays so my long needed vacation should spread it out better than the 3 straight months of surgery I had to endure.

In recent news, we've been voted the fattest state. Again. It never ceases to amaze me how people act all surprised. And it's not because I believe we're all fat and lazy marrying our cousins and not wearing shoes. It's because honestly people-look around and see the facts.
1. We're one of the poorest states. High calorie density foods are the cheapest and most convenient. So it makes sense that a family on a budget is more likely to buy a bag of chips for $2 than a single sweet potato for $1.99 (estimated costs of course)
2. We're rural. Seriously think how long it takes to go to your house to the grocery store. In the car. 5-10 min? 10-20? Think if you had to walk that. We're not like a lot of the "healthier" states that rely on walking/biking as a major way of transportation.
3. Has anyone seen sidewalks? Yeah, me either. Even if one wanted to walk (I live about a 10 min walk from Kroger), I'd get killed in traffic. Lack of sidewalks+people who drive like a driver's license is a prize in the cracker jack box=no walking.
4. It's hot. Really hot. Walking out the door to your car elicits profuse sweating. Now try walking 30 min somewhere in about 200% humidity and 101 degree temps. Yeah, not so much.

So add all that together and what do you have? Obesity. Lots of it. Not to say that it's possible to stay healthy and maintain a level of appropriate activity. But for the most part a lot of people that live here can't/won't do that. Sometimes they just don't care because it's culture of frying food and eating too much "meat on your bones" and a general acceptance of big body image as a good thing. That's just all my opinion.

Anyway, instead of studying for my psych board I'm updating my much neglected blog. I guess a lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven't had much to say over the past month or so. I figured out how to avoid Borderline questions and can tell the difference between narcolepsy and schizophrenia prodrome (unlike an attending on 7W). And now I'm dreading Medicine and ACLS (did I mention the BLS review course today was crap and she could tell I was in a hurry even though the dummy was apparently DEAD?). I'm ready to get to 4th year and eventually get to do what I love every day. Already halfway through, I can make it, right?

Oh, and don't even talk to me about STEP 2. I'm sure I need to sign up for the test soon. BLAH.

Wanted

Male, aged 26-36, employed, educated, independent (not clingy) that understands that lying and cheating=no.

If anyone out there knows of anyone like this, please let me know. I'll even ask him out myself.

This whole single thing has got to stop soon because it's getting ridiculous.

That is all.

Code White

So my first week on psych has been interesting to say the least. Well, once we got the psychotic patient transferred to the other unit (he tried to follow me an another med student out of the ward) and all the bipolars were well controlled on their meds, it's really not that bad! I'm curious to see if the ward has filled up over the weekend. By Friday we were down to 3 patients and most of them were ready to go home.

Also, I got voted "no" on wearing my vampire fangs near halloween. We don't want me getting tackled by some schizo that's trying to tell people aliens really do exist. boo!

I've been a bit down on myself as of lately, don't know how much that's a result of psych (I guess all my serotonin is being sucked out of my body without me knowing). All I have to say is this: if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what.-He's Just Not That into You.

That movie made sense. I don't know how accurate that is, but it seems like the truth. I'd recommend it especially if you want to hate on men and call them pigs. And I've found that quote to be especially helpful.

Another thing is that I LOVE the fact that it's getting cold. I love the hot tea and curling up with blankets and hoodies and coats and mittens and and and....Maybe it'll SNOW! Although I'm getting worried about medicine. Partly because I'm already spoiled between family medicine and psych schedules (get in at 8, go home between 12 and 3), and partly because the flu will be in full swing. Now I'm sure I won't be seeing a ton of swine flu (I've most likely already caught it) but having it almost in a saturated state worries me. I don't feel the need to get the shot and even though I have seen many articles stating that many children/adolescents have died, I haven't been able to find an article stating exactly WHAT caused death. Was is pulmonary due to secondary pneumonia? Or something else? Granted, I haven't been looking too hard either. Sigh.

Back in the Saddle

So after a full 3 or so weeks on the coast, I'm back. It feels good. I enjoy being in my bed and having my Gryffin around and I'm enjoying spending time with my dad without my mom. Although I'm hoping she'll stay safe in Italy. That's another long story and most people know what happened. But I do have to say I'm enjoying my break from her.

So I start Psych tomorrow. I know it's going to be an...interesting rotation. I hope I get a really good group. Although I don't think anyone in Group 5 isn't completely awesome.

Not much to say. I haven't been up to much.

Now a funny, but true, caption:

Catlady

Embracing my future. Provided for your viewing pleasure.

Get Down With the Sickness

Friday afternoon: leave clinic after lunch and do tar wars. drive home.
Saturday: Free clinic and children
Sunday Morning: cough. Sunday night: 102 fever while hanging out with Frylime.
Monday morning: headache, worse cough, although feeling a bit better.
Monday Afternoon: Post doctor, also 1 decadron and 1 abx shot, 1 Rx for tamiflu and Keflex.
Monday Night: Chills, 102-103 steady, and body aches begin.

Bilateral otitis media and most likely flu on top of that. They took a swab and sent it to baptist. I should know by morning. Although those things can take a while to turn positive and I've been exposed to it over and over. Although I wash my hands compulsively at the clinic, but I just had purel when I left the elementary school. Ugh, kids.

So I guess I'm stuck at home until all this passes. I would have driven down except I passed out when I got home and woke up off and on between phone calls to promptly pass out again. Plus, I'm starting to feel like I got hit by a bus. The lady I'm staying with has a son in his 20's and his friends are always coming in and out. I don't want to expose all of them in case I have the flu (I'm becoming more convinced by the minute).

Let's hope my fever goes away by tomorrow so I can drive down and start my preceptoring again. I hate missing school. I feel like I'm pussing out by not going in. I know I should just suck it up but honestly I'd most likely be worthless. And my cough sounds of something out of the hospital during the peak of consumption.

Hope everyone else stays flu free!

Foreign Film Challenge

As a general lover of all good movies, it makes me angry that a lot of the movies in Europe are not available here in the US. In general I really like foreign films. One of my favorites that has come out recently is Pan's Labyrinth. Also, some of the new releases out of England (ok, I know this may be hokey) with Robert Pattinson haven't been featured in any of the theaters around here. Okay, surprise, surprise. We don't get much here, but still. Two of Pattinson's movies that were strictly European releases were Little Ashes and How to Be.
Granted, part of me is curious to see how Pattinson acts outside Twilight and his minor role in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Although Little Ashes is a chronical of Dali's life and How to Be is a small indie film he worked on between the Twilight movies (I think). Both sound like they have a lot of potential to be excellent movies. It seems as though Netflix may have them, so I may just have to drink the kool-aid and join netflix. Meh.
Not much is new with me. I'm enjoying Ocean Springs though it was nice to come home for a weekend. The only bad thing is that I started getting this cough today and started feeling yuck. Luckily I don't have a fever (and I hope it stays that way) so as of right now I don't think I have the flu. Family medicine is still going well. I'm somewhat dreading psych but at the same time I'm getting ready to be back home.
Anyway, I hope all is going well out there in blogland. I'm enjoying all the updates by Laura. She's inspired me to try to update more. Maybe if it stops raining long enough for me to get on the beach I can get a photo post going.
Until next time.
The following links have been posted for your entertainment purposes.
http://www.howtobemovie.com/
http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi3621716761/

That's Frowned Upon

So my 2 weeks on the coast have been cool. Dr. Rub is cool and laid back. The rest of the docs are great as well. The only problem I have is I feel like I'm being held back a bit, but I've just started doing my thing and it seems cool with him. All in all I'm enjoying family medicine. The clinic is full of personalities and the running quote seems to be "that's frowned upon". They all crack me up. I've become a pro at flu swabs, flu injections, and HbA1C checks. Although it does slow me down to document all of it, but I understand how it's necessary for the program and blah blah.

I haven't done as much as I had wanted down here, especially since it's been channeling Seattle and raining at least once a day, if not 5-7 times. I still need to drive down the beach, get some sand between my toes, and perhaps make it out to one of the barrier islands. I'm not sure if I'll make it to the New Orleans Aquarium or the Mobile battleship, but maybe I can. I'll be home this weekend to say bye to my mom before she leaves for Italy so that takes out some possible trip time. If not, I can always come down and visit my friend and do some of the things I may just not get around to. However, I did get to eat my crab legs so I'm all set for now. hah.

Warning: if you are a fan of Obama or his health care policy, quit reading.
*start rant*
So with the little free time we get in clinic, I've been talking with my preceptor about the future of medicine. "Free" Healthcare. Let me ask you something: when has anything in this country been free? The only two things in America that are free is speech and will. I'm tired of this notion that magically we won't have insurance premiums and copays. Do you know what all the other countries do to pay for "free" healthcare? They raise taxes. THAT is how they get the money to fund healthcare. Use whatever brain cells you have bouncing around in your head, rub them together, and make the connection. Bitching about $4 a gallon gas? How about when it goes up to $8 a gallon. Oh, and angry that 40% of your paycheck goes to taxes? Try 60%. OH! BUT HEALTHCARE IS FREE!
Health care is not a right. Just like I don't have the right to walk into a store and demand free Prada. This country was built upon the notion of an open market with competition and democracy to fuel development. Whenever monopolies occured, they were quick to step in and open the market back up to prevent such things. Same for healthcare. Monopolies of insurance companies have caused the price of healthcare to skyrocket, paired along with the uninsured receiving healthcare (if you say that's what the healthcare reform will fix I'll automatically set your IQ score to 10) without paying for it, and the sue happy lawyers creating a new entity known as defensive medicine. I'd really like to see how much of a yearly hospital budget is spent ordering tests just to rule IN a disease. Also, how many times have I (and my insurance company) been billed two or three times for the exact same test? That is just the hospital trying to make up for the fact that the crackhead walked into the OR and got treatment and then walked back out without paying a dime. Medicine is a business. Plain and simple.
So, if I have all these strong opinions then where is my bright idea to fix healthcare?
1. reign in the insurance companies. Open insurance across state lines. This will drive the cost down by sole competition. If an insurance company in Alabama is better than Louisiana, then buy the Alabama insurance. Health insurance as it stands is a monopoly of 2-3 lone companies. Places like Alabama have a monopoly owned by Blue Cross and Blue shield. Open it up so the insurance companies will be fighting for YOUR business instead of the other way around
2. Stop the lawsuits. We have something called the Medical licensing board. If a patient things that a doctor was unfit to treat their loved one, the bring it before the board. Instead of suing the doctor and driving upmalpractice insurance which causes higher costs for treating a patient, take it to the board. if the doctor really is at fault for negligence then his/her license will be revoked. And that physician will never be able to treat anyone else again. But I guess money is more important than seeing that the physician never harms anyone else again. If anything, mandatory tort reform (which, for the Obama supporters that continued to read despite warning, Obama DOES NOT support. he thinks you should be sued for every penny you're worth. which sometimes is a negative vaule seeing how many physicians are still in debt from medical school). Consequently, capping or stopping lawsuits will eliminate a lot of the defensive medicine. which includes extra costs for hiring the sheer manpower needed to file and process paperwork (which will only get worse if nationalized healthcare occurs)
3. No more free rides. Sure, if someone is in a car accident then bring them into the ER. The people who come to the ER when their problems can be solved by a primary care physician should be turned away. Because the $2o0 bill you're going to rack up and then end up leaving without paying is more expensive than the $75 charge by a PCP to tell you to take some zyrtec. And this bullshit of bringing a kid to the ER at 3 am for an earache that has been present for the last 2 days (and hasn't gone to a pediatrician yet) needs to stop. Step 1: take away kid Step 2: escort parent out of the ER. This alone could drive down the costs, ER crowding, and hospitals driving up costs to cover for those they don't get reimbursed.
Ok...that doesn't cover all my ideas, but just some that i"ve been having the past few days. Basically, it's like me walking into a lawyer's office and telling them they're doing everything wrong and THIS is how it should be done. Oh, and try to tell a lawyer that they don't need to charge for their time and they'll just receive a flat salary per year then get out of that office without being punched in the face. What we have are a bunch of lawyers and politicians deciding how Medicine should be handled and executed. Ones who tell us the process of diagnosis and treatment without EVER suffering through one gross anatomy lab or a sleepless night surrounded by pharmacology flashcards. These are the people America is trusting to take care of healthcare? Not doctors, but politicians. I guess the next time you have a runny nose just call up your local state representative.
Just think, America.
*end rant*

I'm pretty pumped about the Grey's premiere tomorrow night. I'm glad that the lady I'm staying with is also a Grey's fan so I can catch the episode.

Two letters-I can't wait for our date
Laura-your updates thrill me to no end. And that pic of you as a child giving the camera the classic "go to hell look" makes me laugh.

So I'll post more on my wonderful experience with my preceptor after a full week, but I just have to say one thing on why I already love the clinic.

they use a microscope to look at urine samples. Yes. They spin them down, put them on a real slide, and use a real microscope. Let's just say that I got really REALLY excited about this. So even if Family Medicine turns out not being my thing, I can rest assured I'll still get to use a microscope.

Hoorah!

On the Road Again

So, for the record, everything on my Dell has been replaced. New harddrive, new keyboard, new screen, and now new motherboard. I hate dell. I'm getting a mac the next time this thing craps out.

I'm leaving sunday for my last 4 weeks of family medicine. I'm so completely pumped. I'll be near the coast and my friend from college, I've got a list of stuff I want to do, and best of all I get to move out for a month! the only down side is that I'll have to move back in.

Family medicine has actually been really fun. I'm still trying to decide if I'm good with people or not. I think this next month will be excellent to see that. If I can do a clinic environment day in and day out. I'm excited to find out!

Well, hopefully I'll have some good stories of some of my adventures. I'm planning a trip to Ship Island, NO aquarium, and the battleship in Mobile. i'm sad to leave Baptist but excited to go somewhere different for a change.

Until next time!

Discharge to Jesus

So, Family Med isn't bad at all! I didn't think I would hate it, but I didn't think I'd like it as much as I do. I don't even mind studying! I've been reading and taking notes without being told. It's scary! Maybe there's something to this "primary care" business. I think the best part of all is that I wake up in the mornings and don't have the urge to slit my wrists.

Although I think I still got too giddy over the atrial myxoma we had on our service.

So, Tuesday night my computer had some issues. Major issues. Motherboard died issues. So now I'm going to have to wait another 5 weeks to fix it. I didn't make it over to UMC in time to turn it into the laptop depot so they could fix it. Plus I'm going out of town for a month so I wouldn't be able to pick it up anyway. So I guess I'm going to just have to go without until I can get back to university. Luckily my father has now rigged up interwebs to his computer so that I can use the desktop. It makes me realize that I will always need a laptop. I miss watching movies in bed. So right now my laptop is hanging out in my trunk in case I can make it to UMC before 4pm.

I didn't realize that I'll be dealing with those "end of life" issues as soon as I have. There is this little old lady that I've been working with since I started. She has acute mental change and now has started falling apart. The NG tube is giving her a nose sore. She won't wake up or respond, but she will start saying "ow!" when you touch her legs or feet (DVT paired with now gangrene of the toes due to lack of blood). Her family insists that she's up and talking and laughing and it just happens that whenever anyone that's not family comes into the room she's unresponsive. I mean, the lady is in her late 90's. It's time to just let go. We've gotten hospice on board and hopefully she'll be able to have some peace.

We've actually been having several of our patients on the "discharge to Jesus" list. Meaning that they're not going to make it out of the hospital alive. It's amazing that I hardly ever saw that on Surgery, but get hit smack in the face with it on Family. I like it though, since I'm probably going to go into the geriatrics direction if I decide on a primary care like Fam med or medicine (although from the M4 it seems as if I won't get along with the personality types that are found in medicine. but we'll see).

Hope everyone has a safe and wonderful Labor Day.

My Calling

So I spent a total of 8 hours in the department today. I almost forgot to eat lunch. I didn't realize my back hurt until I sat in my car. I kept yawning due to an unfortunate 5 am wakeup (long story, the house phone kept ringing) but never felt tired. I got excited every time we moved on to a new case. I was sad to leave and I'm excited to go back in the morning.

Guess where I was.

If you said pathology, you were correct. As scary as it sounds to me right now, I think I may have found my calling. I'm not ruling anything out. I am still very excited about family med, and medicine, and maybe OB. Maybe. But if none of those can make me stand on my feet for 8 hours and still have a huge smile on my face I may just have to end up doing that for the rest of my career. At least I know that I have one specialty in medicine that I absolutely love. Maybe one of my friends is right. Why am I fighting it? Because I don't want to be close minded. I really hope the faculty likes me. I hope they don't take offense when I say that I want extra exposure before 4th year so I can make up my mind. That I am interested but want to keep my options open. half the time I think I open my mouth and moron diarrhea comes flowing out my mouth in the form of words. Ugh.

I need to chill. Just be myself. They're cool like that.

Another WOOT for surgery being OVER!

I was reminded of my friend HemeOnc Doc today when we looked at bone marrow aspirates and biopsies. Woot hematopathology!

And going with the trend: Boy, what a softshell I'm turning out to be-Sebastian, The little Mermaid

Stop Playing With Your Balls

So today was my last day of surgery. That noise you heard around 1pm central time was the heavens opening and angel choir singing "Hallelujah" as HemeOnc Doc and I walked away from the trauma surgery room.

I've been thinking a lot about my surgery rotation. Here's a list of reasons why surgery just isn't for me:

1. I like to sleep. Overnight call was never fun for me. I hated every minute of it. Plus, I don't like waking up at 3:30 every morning and getting home over 12 hours later (some, but not all rotations).
2. I hate the OR. I hate scrubbing. I hate getting yelled at when I touch something without thinking. I hate not being able to scratch my nose when it itches. And I don't give a damn about your sterile field (aimed at a particular nurse in the Batson ORs).
3. The type A personality I just don't understand. Whether the bandage is changed now, 10 minutes for now, or after rounds it'll still get changed. Calm down.
4. I hate anatomy. I don't care about nerves. I don't care about blood vessels. I don't care about it looking pretty. And I definitely don't care about the 700 different procedures that end up doing the same thing. Pick your favorite and stick with it.
5. I don't have the compulsion to tie knots over and over again so I get really good at them. I'd be happy if I never tied another knot ever again.

Unfortunately, I'm not 100% decided on OB. Although there is surgery involved, I'm wondering if it'll be an entirely different surgical environment when compared to general surgery. Although I don't know if I'll ever be able to do pelvics and pap smears on a regular basis. Or cough up $200,000+ for malpractice.

So, I have tomorrow off to study, my test wed, then two days of pathology shadowing before starting family medicine. I'm so pumped I don't think words can explain.

Oh, the title is a quote from HemeOnc Doc. It made me laugh really hard.

SURGERY IS OVAH!

I Can't Do This All On My Own

I know that I'm no... superman.

I love Scrubs. I always get asked if med school/medicine is really like scrubs. In a way it is. In a way it's not. The drama and inbreeding occur. But always having something witty and coming up with a diagnosis in 30 min doesn't necessarily happen. Although I think deep down us fans strive to make every day a bit more like Scrubs.

I officially have 5 more days of surgery left. Then a test. I am so unbelievably pumped no one has any clue!!! I move on to family medicine and I'm so excited. Today I had my first clinical skills assessments. Apparently I'm not too shabby at a history and physical, but thanks to surgery I don't document ANYTHING. Pretty much meaning it didn't happen. Ugh. I'm sure Fam Med and Medicine will remedy that very quickly. I just had no idea to write down in her HPI her sexual history, or whether she was using contraception, or what her pain was like. ARRG! that's points people! I'm almost worried I failed the damn thing due to documentation.

I also realized that the path interest group will be getting to a very very slow start this year. I'll be gone for some of september and a week or so in october. So our earliest meeting will be mid october at best. I need to start getting the ball rolling, but it's so hard with surgery being down my neck and taking up all my time. I suppose I'll start gathering my minions as soon as this rotation is over.

And Just a random vent: DO NOT CALL ME PAST 8 pm! Most likely I will be asleep. I have a friend who has consistently been calling around 9-10 pm. Now, I wouldn't be so angry if a lot of her calls didn't follow with the text "can you come watch the kids while I go to the store". Let's not get started. I know you're a single mom now, but go on the way home like everyone else. I am asleep because I get up at 3:30 every morning. I think if she does it again I'll be calling HER when I wake up. You would think between me TELLING her and not answering my phone she would have stopped by now. Ugh.

PIG meeting thurs. SO EXCITED (mainly for Chic-fil-a. I've already realized peds=not for me).

Until next time! stay dry!

You can find me curled up at 7 pm in my bed with my very own Scrubs marathon.

Tweet Tweet Tweet

Today has been full of rumors, gossip, and somewhat drama. And it's only monday.

The biggest ::whew:: moment was the long anticipated email stating our test was indeed on Wed. So we have a room and a time. So the gloves can come off...for now.

The only thing that can trump that is the realization that this friday is the back to school party. I happen to be on call this friday. What I didn't realize is that the SOM officially releases us at 5 pm friday and we don't have to be back until 8 am Sat morning. Basically meaning I get out of being on call. And we all get out of writing notes in the morning. Now, before everyone decides to beat me up in the back alley, I'll say that if our call doesn't go to replace Chasing Zebras and her partner's unfair 5th call night, I will replace one of them. So we can all have a fair 4 nights of call.

Also, some internal M3 drama involving Chasing Zebras came to light. Apparently two people on Peds decided they wouldn't get enough time to "study" for our test and decided to switch to transplant. However shady and wrong, none of the departments seemed pleased. Peds needs more than just one student, and transplant was scratching their heads going "wth" when 4 med students showed up for their service. Momma medschool warned me long ago that people would be coming out of the woodwork, ditching responsibility in order to go study or something.

So there have been many little birdies floating around UMC today spreading the good stuff around. Now, if I could just peel myself off the couch and get something done that would be marvelous.

This Is Me Flipping My Shit

You can find me in Dr. Medschool's office along with Momma Medschool Monday morning as I revolt against the fact that the surgery secretary has admitted to not doing her job and having to "find time" to give our test.

Funny, that test has been scheduled for Aug 26 since our syllabus was sent out on June 8th. And there's still no room, or definite date?

No, I have made plans after email confirmation we won't have anything to do after the 26. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'LL be taking my test Aug 26. Or she can personally explain to the pathology director of residency program why I can't come shadow in the department. And to Momma Medschool and Dr. Medschool as to why our test doesn't have a definite date.

Yeah, because you didn't do your job.

I thought people got fired over shit like this. Just a thought.

Misery With a Side of Fries

I'd like to preface this post with the realization that there are officially 11 days of surgery responsibilities left. Less than that if you're not counting weekends.

The last 2 days of my general surgery rotation will be horrible. Today was mundane until they decided to to an ex lap at 4 pm. Usually, I've been home for over an hour by this time. So we go, I'm shooting bullets out my eyes, and then we can't see anything. It was a complete clusterfuck in the OR. So The Big One decided that it was too crowded and we couldn't see. Instead of telling us to just go home, she sent us off to study. Eventually, an hour and a half later, she comes and finds us in the surgery student lounge and tells us to go home. Ugh. HemeOnc doc and I decided that if it was anything else, it wouldn't have been as pissy. Like, if I was waiting to do a frozen section on some massive tumor, or she was waiting to do some bone marrow thingie. But the fact they wanted to open up someone and just go looking around at 4 pm was downright pissy. So I went to McDonalds and got some fries to make me feel better. It only worked for a couple of minutes.

I've also been fighting an internal/family battle. I've decided that my life may be made simpler with a blackberry. Downside: it's an extra 30 bucks a month. Something my mother (who pays for the phones now) refuses to pay. So it's either I don't get the phone or I pay the extra cash from my allowance I get every month. Wow, does it sound like i'm in high school? Because at first, that's what it sounded like to me. Now, being as I'm NOT in high school, I simply can't get a job to make up the extra money. Nor can I take out loans because that will result in a monthlong bitchfest starring my parents. Although I'm sure I'm going to have to take out a good chunk next year with residency costs and I'm GOING to do away rotations whether they like it or not. So I'm trying to battle it out if it's going to be worth it or not. I'll have until november to decide.

Otherwise, I'm absolutely PUMPED about starting family medicine. I just have about a week of surgery left, then the surgery test, then some path shadowing, then Family Med! Oh, and for those who aren't in the loop/not on surgery the secretary apparently "can't find a room" for us to have the test on Wed and may postpone it until thurs or friday. Seeing how I've made advance plans to shadow after emailing her stating i was going to make plans thurs and fri and double checked to make sure we didn't have any responsibilities after our WED test (she confirmed), I will raise all un-Godly hell if she decides she'll just have it another day. She's had it scheduled for Wed for 3 months. And "not having a room" or "it's not ready" is as good as an excuse as "i didn't get my notes done because I was tired and wanted to sleep in".

Bring it.

Weekend Wedding

So my friend's wedding was awesome. I got to see some friends that moved away recently and got to spend the whole weekend with them. I was proud of myself because I kept it together during the ceremony. I came close to loosing it once when A was saying her vows and you could hear the shaking in her voice that meant she was crying. But it held it together! I'm glad she had a good wedding experience. The reception was awesome complete with custom beer labels. We all had a great time and consumed way too much ethanol. I won't go into the details here, but everyone including myself got into some trouble. The best had to be the 3 am fire alarm (probably due to the fact that some genius groomsmen decided to smoke in their room).
I did note that I will never be getting a manicure or pedicure ever again. The whole push on your cuticles hurts and I don't want to ever do that again. I'm looking forward to getting back to the routine. I'm even more excited about finishing surgery. Right now I'm making some veggie soup to freeze and blueberry muffins to thank those that covered me friday.

Now, I've got to go look up some stuff about gastric cancer for a very impromptu presentation that apparently will take place in the next week. blah.

Until next time.

Ooey Gooey

I learned a very valuable lesson today. Whenever in the OR wear gloves at all times. I learned this because one of the residents asked me to move the patient's arm while he tried to get subclavian access. It's just the patient's hand and arm, right? Well, apparently they put in an IV and I didn't see and it was kinda oozing since they didn't hook it up yet. So what did I do? Stick my finger in some of the oozing blood. Ugh. So I move the arm and go outside and immediately wash my hands a couple of times. It wasn't a big deal really. I don't have any wounds on my hands and it wasn't a needlestick. so I didn't panic or anything or felt the need to rush to student health. It was just annoying. sigh.

Other than that I'm completely pumped about my friend's wedding this weekend. I have to go in and write my notes on my two patients then I'm leaving to apparently come pack and head to the city of choice.

it seems like this surgery rotation will never end. 2 more weeks.

Alpha, Bravo, Foxtrot Charlie!

So I just realized I have call monday night. Good thing I looked at the schedule. That could have been a big "oops". I really hate call. There's always some crap you have to deal with down in the ER. And me really not liking surgery, it's a bigger pain in my ass than it should be. ::beep beep:: bravo ::beep beep:: bravo ::beep beep:: shit hit the fan alpha. Ugh. Luckily I'll only have one more after monday.

So I'm excited about going back to UMC. I think the pissiest thing about VA is the constant back and forth. although I left my very nice big umbrella in the resident's cubby. So it looks like I'm going to have to make a trip back in order to retrieve it.

I start general monday and have a lack of information. We talked to one resident who didn't give us much information. I'm not even sure if we're supposed to see patients on monday morning before rounds. I would think not, since we don't know the patients and barely know the residents that will be there.

Oh well. We asked. if they just forgot to tell us then it's their problem. Although, I know good and well by now it'll actually be MY problem. But it's their fault.

3 weeks of misery left. woo!

Seriously?

So as I was amputating a guy's foot today (a real bloody case actually) the scrub tech looks down at my feet an asks "do you wear those shoes home?". I replied "yes". She said "then you should wear foot covers. No telling what bugs you're taking home with you from the OR." Yeah, ok, that's great and all, but my first day of surgery I did the whole shoe covers thing and it was a pain in the ass. Not to mention that the other doctors and staff wear the shoes in the OR, around in the basement, Up to the resident cubby, down around the halls, into patient rooms. I figured me doing the same thing while also walking around outside and leaving the shoes right inside the door wouldn't expose me to anything more dangerous than being at the hospital does anyway. So I appreciate the infection control speech, but honestly I'm exposed to nasty all day and will probably pick it up off the floor on the 3rd floor just as easily as I will in the OR.

Not to mention that I get one pair of scrubs at the VA and have to wash them myself until my time there is over. So...that's not a health risk: putting bugs in my washer even tho I wash it with hot water. OOOOOOkay then.

I think the worst part of the surgery rotation has been lack of time off. I'm quickly approaching burnout and I need a couple of days to not wake up at 4 am and do notes for ungrateful interns (I may write on this later, just something pissy that happened this morning). I'm exhausted to the point of insomnia and after 2 hours of sleep woke up shaky and nauseated. Granted, it could be the bean and cheese nachos paired with margaritas (2 for 1!) or the dehydration i'm suffering due to a lack of time to ingest water. It's almost like you're so tired your body is making you sick because it's the only way to get you to slow down. Or it could be the MRSA or VRE or whatever I picked up from the hospital due to me wearing shoes home (ugh). whatever it is, I'm up now and can't get back to sleep. So that's not going to help the getting up, seeing patients (our list doubled today. joy.) then being with it enough at educational rounds (aka pimpfest) to answer any questions. it seems like i'll be something slightly above zombie level.

I love the patients at the VA, but I'm ready to get back to UMC. At least when I get lectured about putting myself and my family into nosocomial dangers at home, I'll know they're at least washing my scrubs for me.

Let Me Tell You About 'Nam

So after a week at the VA I have come to the conclusion that working there is like driving toothpicks under your fingernails. It's extraordinarily painful with all the paperwork and red tape and very angry secretaries. They yell at me at least once a day. Not to mention that HIPAA is disguised as FBI agents. I'm convinced. And the rent-a-cops in the parking lot on their oh so wonderful bikes are a special breed of stupid dressed in ignorance and topped off with the accessory of power trip.

But I LOVE the patients. They make my day better. They all pretty much appreciate that someone cares and someone tries. I had the cutest old man with a gangrene foot due to diabetes, but he just lit up when he talked about his granddaughter and his chee-tohs and little debbie cakes. I know...that's why his foot was falling off due to atherosclerosis and diabetes. But he was just so adorable while doing so. I couldn't help but just find him absolutely precious. I also love the patients with the old war stories. I had one guy tell me about his stint in 'Nam. I love it. I guess that's why I'm considering Geriatrics if I decide to do family medicine or internal medicine.

Although, I miss pathology dearly. I'm going to try to find some time to shadow so I can decide. My ultimate fear is getting to third year and hating everything and not knowing what I want to do.

And I FINALLY got to see harry potter! HemeOnc Doc and I went after we wasted about 5 hours at the hospital just sitting around and "studying". They left out the good fight scenes naturally as well as some of the story line. But it was a good idea. I'm excited to see the next 2 movies.

So today has been full of just stuff. Making bread since I'm out, and tried out a recipe from my new cookbook Cupcake Heaven yesterday. It was so good! It tasted like strawberry shortcake. A real winner. I'm just glad I got the day off. One of the guys that was supposed to come yesterday morning overslept so I did all his notes and he repaid me by doing all the ones I was responsible for this morning.

Until next time.

Out of the Bag

After 6 weeks of surgical experience I can safely say Surgery is not for me.

In fact, I'm starting to tell people this. So the cat is out of the bag. Like today. Where I told them I'm not doing surgery. Actually, I think the exact quote to one of the interns was "I hate surgery" and to the chief in reply to "what do you want to do?" I responded "NOT SURGERY". Does this mean I'm not going to fulfill my duties or pull my weight? No. Does it mean I will count down the days until the rotation is over? yes. I hate the OR. I hate scrubbing and just sitting there. I'd much rather go around doing scut work. I don't mind watching. I just don't like the whole sterile field thing.

I also don't like pediatrics. I didn't get around to telling them I have also eliminated that choice.

What are they going to do? Fail me because I told them upfront I don't like surgery? No. They would have to give me a good reason to fail me if that did happen.

6 more weeks. 6 more weeks of general surgery. Ugh. Is it 4th year yet?

And for the record, I'm jealous of the people who got to go to Destin while I rot at the VA. Enjoy some sand and sun for me! I want pictures and stories when you guys return!

The Rundown

1. the next 6 weeks of surgery seem like they will never end. I've pretty much said I'm not going to do surgery, but I think before I start telling them that I'll have to give general 3 days to impress me. I'm thinking it won't, but you never know.

2. I'm completely jealous of my pediatric partner in crime. she gets to go to destin and I'm stuck with the intern. haha, no, I like the intern ok. he's really nice once you get talking to him. poor thing is so strung out and he's vented a couple of times to me that I just want to give him a hug.

3. I need to just stay away from men in general. especially those who i've never met and come to realize no one i know has either.

4. I need to shut off my phone when i sleep because apparently I answer it, have a conversation, and don't remember. the only way i know this is i find it listed under "received calls" and not having any recollection of the convo. Who called? the place altering my dress. Which i haven't been able to go to due to my insane peds surgery schedule.

5. I don't like my sister's dogs. she hasn't trained them and then while I was asleep one of them ate my flip flop. My very expensive very comfortable my very favorite only pair. ugh.

LOL

Just because it made me laugh out loud. It also is so, SO true.

Everyone read this: Training Grounds:Balls

Enjoy the laughter!

Slowly Ruling It Out

So, even though I'm still waiting on General before I officially say Surgery isn't for me, I have 100% ruled out pediatrics. I started Peds surgery monday and by today I have decided that I don't like it. The NICU creeps me out. I love children, don't get me wrong. But I don't like the sick ones or seeing them in hospital beds. If you need a babysitter, I'm your person. If you need a pediatrician, please call someone else. I have the utmost respect for pediatricians and pediatric workers. But I can't do it. So I'm going to leave that to Cupcake Queen and HemeOnc Doc.

Other than that, surgery has already been a whirlwind and it's hard to believe it's almost halfway done. I'm chomping at the bit to get to Family Medicine because I know after 3:30 am awakenings and 5 am notes 7 and 8 am will seem like heaven. Also the people in the family medicine dept are amazing and I can't wait to work with them. And Baptist is pretty much the shit.

Oh, and America's obsession with Michael Jackson now that he's dead. I'm just glad that everyone is focusing on his music and legend and not the bad parts of his life. I hope he rests in peace, I hope his family finds solace, and I hope to God every station quits airing Michael Jackson specials and gets back to the regularly scheduled programs.

Mr. Cranky Pants

Apparently me staying up all night and getting about 2 hours of sleep=very grumpy Ewok. I need to make some cookies for my poor partner, because he witnessed the grumpy first had. Although I kept a lid on my temper, I did state that I was angry and just wanted to go home. Luckily we got released at 10:30. I came straight home, showered, and passed out until 4:30. Actually, my bad mood didn't start until rounds when it seemed to take ages for them to go through all their patients. Our attending is awesome, but sometimes he gets to talking and just won't stop. i guess it reminds me of my mother.

Anyway, I may go nap some more. Guess I need to start looking into careers that don't take much call. haha.

Surgery Salvation

So apparently, plastics wasn't for me but general surgery may be right up my alley. Can we all say it, all together now! SHIT.

Since being on the transplant surgery I've seen a hernia repair and a colon cancer resection. And can I say, both of the surgeries were AWESOME. So maybe there's hope for surgery yet! Although I'll be thinking a lot on what I decide to go into, I'm going to start giving surgery much more consideration. I hope I get to see an actual transplant surgery before it's over. But I guess I won't be hating general like I first thought I would. In fact, surgery hasn't been as bad as I first thought it was going to be.

Now if we can just make it through everything else so I can decide...

Genetics

Nothing fascinates me more than seeing where I get my characteristics. Although I look a lot like my mom, my personality is all my dad. My temper, my no bull attitude, my confrontational nature, and insomnia. I had no idea I got that from my father. Whenever I get extremely stressed, sleep goes out the window for me. Apparently, that happens to my father. Maybe it happens to the rest of the population as well, but my mom doesn't do that. And one of my cousins from my dad's side also does it. I talk in my sleep like my father as well. Now as long as I don't get his large nose or his sleep apnea I have nothing to complain about.

Transplant is awesome. There is actually no patient on the service to my knowledge as to right now. we're to go in and see if anyone came in overnight. otherwise, I guess we'll just be hanging out (but not in the surgery lounge. Maybe there will be a post later on lounge wars).

I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up, but I hope I figure it out fast.

The End! Sorta.

Officially done with plastics as of today. I had a rocky start, but ended up LOVING Dr. B and his resident Dr. M. I learned a lot in these first 2 weeks of M3 year. They are as follows:
1. never shave your legs at 5 am. I ended up losing a lot of skin.
2. I can be good at sutures and even learn more than one kind! Plastics taught me a LOT about sutures
3. I need to memorize my pager number because eventually someone will ask for it. like today. and it was fail.

So I'm excited about transplant. Mainly for more of the sitting vs. standing in one place in an OR for hours on end. My feet are really not having it! My back and legs are alright now, but my feet just can't get used to it.

I eventually need to start studying. I'm still waiting on my surgical recall to come in. But I have my pretest but I get home and just want to veg after a long day!

Props to HemeOnc Doc. She's seriously a saint. Patience like woah. She could deal with those I almost told to get an attitude adjustment. Woo hoo! done! On to peds where you belong!

First Impressions

I begin my second week of surgery and still can't access the OR schedule. Meaning I have no idea what time and where i'm supposed to be. Fabulous. Apparently, not knowing anything including what you're supposed to do and go is the theme of M3 year.

My first week of M3 year was insane. Between school of medicine orientation and surgery department orientation, I was exhausted. Then my first full day of surgery ended up being a full day of lectures. My very first time in the OR got me doing sutures which the resident realized I wasn't lying when I said "I suck at this". My first week in the OR also made me realize that I'm going to have to get used to standing for 10 hours and pain from my lower back down. I'm going to be popping a lot of advil in the near future and try to suck it up best I can. I know my other partners in crime HemeOnc Doc and BBaller are in the same boat.

My first week of surgery has taught me this: I'm not sure it's for me. Granted, I have another 11 weeks before I'll make up my mind. But it's cut, sew, cut, curse, sew, pimp student. Although I've met some great surgeons who really do great work, I do find it very mechanical in nature. I've always considered myself more cerebral, but I'm still willing to give it a shot. Maybe I just don't find plastics a perfect fit for me. Maybe I'll like general surgery better. who knows. It is better than sitting in a classroom ever will be.

I'm working on a cleft lip repair presentation for the plastics rotation. Apparently everyone does it and I'm halfway done. I just need to find out how they do the surgery. I'll probably look it up tomorrow when I get there at 6 am to make sure I'm not late for the first surgery.

Also, my first EBM assignment (read: waste of my time) of this year ended up with me locking myself out of it because my computer decided that I was pointing in some direction of some link and then decided to click on it without me telling it to. So that ended up with an email to the scary librarian to reset my quiz. Ugh. I hate how they make us take tests so they know that we know how to use a database. Blah.

Ok, I think i'm going to work on some surgery pretest questions and then maybe go to bed early. It's been great to have a weekend off to recover from my first week. This year is going to be a very very very long one.

So, Now We Will Meet

I start my M3 year tomorrow and I would like to state for the record that I am SCARED. I think I was excited up to the point of the 20,000 surgery dept emails followed by reading all pertinent syllabi which basically all read "here's the doctor's name, here's his/her pager, do it yourself and then log everything and tell us what you arranged for your rotation".

EEP!

Although, I'll have 2 days of orientation to fall back on. Maybe they'll give us a better sense of what is expected of us (such as call, when we show up, when we get holidays, etc) because I'm a little in the dark. Or maybe because I forgot to read syllabus #219 which would have outlined ALL of that. oy.

With that said, I had a fantastic time at the BEACH with some of the girls: Cupcake Queen, Aspiring Neurosurgeon, and Running Champ. I got my fill of ocean and beach for a while, although I never knew I'd enjoy the beach that much. Sure, I've gone to the coast here but it's not the same as going to Florida. I really do love the sun and sand and hopefully I'll be able to go back again soon.

Then I went to my friend's wedding reception in the Delta yesterday (they had a family only wedding in Jamaica and then came back for reception with everyone). Aside from minor drama it was a great time. The bride looked absolutely stunning in her dress and the groom was well...the groom. haha. they were both glowing and I had to physically stop myself from crying when they danced to "I walk the line" by Johnny Cash. You'd have to know the couple to understand what I'm talking about, but it's kinda been their theme song. It was just awesome and I will be remembering it for quite some time especially due to the 27 mosquito bites I have from my toes to my face. I somehow didn't think to bring bug spray to the shindig (Delta+summer=mosquitoes the size of birds. Ok, maybe not really, but they were EVERYWHERE). Classic.

Well, I will leave it at that. My short but fun filled and busy summer break has been the perfect introduction to my M3 year. And I even cleaned my room and bathroom! So without further ado, I will lay in bed and watch Jurassic Park and wait for the last load of laundry to finish drying.

Until Next time!

Vacation

BEACH! SAND! SUN! OCEAN!


NO THINKING.

see you friday.

Just In Time

So I'm down to a slightly runny nose and a terrible dry cough. I'm better just in the nick of time. The cough doesn't bother me, although I'm afraid it may bother the people taking STEP with me. So I have an entire bag of cough drops I"m bringing that will be refreshed every break. I really hope they'll last me the hour and I won't bother anyone terribly.

Also, since I had been sick since Tuesday, I'm voraciously cramming some last minute info into my head. I tried listening to heart murmurs, and they all sound the same. boiaineoivnaoeihjf-click. boiavnoeinfaoinove-click. except S4...that sounds like rat-a-tat-tat. Like seriously someone just posted an audio of them on a snare drum. That BETTER not be the case.

I'm pretty much ready to get this over with. I had lunch with Cupcake Queen, Aspiring Neurosurgeon, and our friend who'll be at UT Houston in the fall. I must say, Cupcake Queen and Aspiring Neurosurgeon seemed so relaxed. I have to admit I was jealous. Since I'm desperately trying to make sure all the info STAYS in my head for tomorrow. I think I've given up on adding. Just hoping what I know hasn't been accidently dumped already. I HAVEN'T GIVEN THE GO SIGN YET BRAIN!!!!!

Ok, so after my 4 hour nap (oops) I'm going to look over some last minute pics, then read over some notes I took over world and call it a day.

Did anyone notice that USMLE world said bronchogenic carcinoma was #1 for asbestos exposure, but the buzz words in First Aid said Asbestos=mesothelioma? Well, hopefully I just won't get a question on that. Or at least, both won't be in the answer choices as the same time.

Good luck to all those tomorrow! Let's all have GOOD VIBES! rock it out, may 29th-ers!!!

FML

stuffy nose: check
sore throat: check
chills perhaps fever (can't find a thermometer): check
cervical and submandibular lymphadenopathy: check
general feeling of crumminess above the neck: check
being heavily medicated to where I don't know my name: check
drinking lots of fluids religiously:check
vitamin C and B-complex supplements: check
Waking up at 1 am to cry hysterically because if this doesn't go away by friday morning, I'm going to fail step due to being very ill: CHECK CHECK CHECK

if I still have chills in the morning I'm going to the doctor. Then calling Momma Medschool's office and seeing if i can move step back. I don't know since I'm past the 5 day deadline and I don't know if the prometric site will have an opening.

I can't fail because of the cold or flu. I just can't. They won't let me, will they?

Good luck to Cupcake Queen, Aspiring Neurosurgeon, and all others taking step tomorrow. I'll be sending good vibes your way!

Happens Every Time

4 days before step, I wake up feeling like i've swallowed hot lava, and my face is going to explode somewhere around the bottom of my eye socket. Yes folks, I am officially sick. I'm praying it's an allergy exacerbation from the new animals and unfamiliar house. I really really really hope it's not a cold or some type of flu. That's all I need...to fail step because I feel like death warmed over.

Excuse me while I take a benadryl chased with an espresso shot so I can stay awake and flip my shit about the entire situation.

Please send good healing thoughts my way. I don't want to be sick friday!

Judge's Verdict

It's official. I have peaked in step study. Actually, looking back, I should have taken it this past weekend. I think I would have been ready. Now I'm just trying to hold in all the info until friday where I can purge it on the screen.

Staying at the bro's house is amazing. It's always so hard going back home after something like this, because i enjoy being on my own SO MUCH. Oh well, only 2 more years. Then I can buy a huge old colonial house in boston or something. It'll pay off.

I think for my birthday this year, we should have pony rides. Just throwing that out there.

Taste the Rainbow

So I think one of my favorite candies of all times has to be Skittles. As a kid, I used to separate them all by color, then take each color, but the entire batch in my mouth, chew until my jaw fell off, then picked the next color and did it all over again. (OCD anyone?). Sometimes, I still do that. Although my jaw muscles aren't as good at chewing up candy as they were when I was 5. Reason for mentioning this? Skittles have been my step study treat and savior. They make me happy. Plus, I don't eat the whole bag in one sitting and I adjust the calories/exercise as needed, so they're not making me feel guilty. Besides, we all need to do something that makes us happy, no?

5 days and counting. I need to learn biochem, but at this point I don't think I can. I'm pumped about getting my brother's house all to myself until the 28th. He and his wife went to orange beach and I get to house and animal sit for them. Almost an entire week of disturb-free studying! To quote Will Smith, "parent's just don't understand".

Well, I should say good luck to all of us who still have STEP looming, and Congrats to those who have finished it and now can do the ultimate brain flush.

I shall now return to getting my ass handed to me by USMLE world qbank.

The Easy Button

Where is that damn "easy" button when you need it? Today has been shit-tastic as far as USMLE world. I've dropped a good 10-15 % points from where I was the other day. I hope I haven't peaked and the information has started leaving my brain. I'm hoping to chalk this up to I'm on the other side of 1,000 USMLE world questions and still feeling like slightly warmed up poo from giving platelets (where as this morning found out it was a combination of dehydration and caffeine withdrawl since I skipped my afternoon coffee break).

I'm now officially getting ready to get this damn test over with. I just hope the info stays where it is and I can put off the liquefactive information necrosis from happening until May 30.

Happy Stepping.

Gossip Whore

Ok, so one of my many guilty pleasures is reading online celebrity gossip. I know, how estrogen filled is that? BUT, in my defense, it gives me a reason to laugh. And sometimes, it makes me feel smart. And these days, I need something to make me feel smart. Because studying for step SURE as hell doesn't.

Ok, so with that said, I have to join in on the celebrity gossip/cutdown and channel the guy from D-listed.

Why in the hell would ANYONE think this is appropriate in public? When your dad is a washed up over-bleached balding mullet wrestler from the 80's and your mom looks like she walked straight off the tranny train, why in the world do you think anyone would want to see this?! Look, I'm not stranger to thick girls. I've pretty much been overweight all my life. Plus, I'm short and stocky. So I understand that some of us are just built like linebackers. I realize that this girl is tall and thick. BUT THAT DOES NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD WEAR A SPORTS BRA AND WORKOUT PANTS IN PUBLIC. This girl needs a firm slap with the fashion stick. I wanna see her ass on "What Not to Wear" so Stacy and Clint-un can slap her upside the head and put her in clothes. And no, epidermis doesn't count as clothing!

When you are a public figure and walk around like this, yes the paparazzi will photograph you. Yes they will write about how fat you are and say mean things. Yes, you brought it on yourself and no, you don't need to whine/cry/blame society.

Ok, now moving away from celebrities. There is this girl that I know from highschool that has a blog. And every now and then, I would read it to keep up with her. We weren't best friends or anything, but I was good friends with her two older brothers growing up and I liked to semi-keep up. She got knocked up in college and subsequently haphazardly threw together what we in the south like to call a "shotgun wedding". Something must have happened to her during childbirth, because her head has now securely become wedged up her naive ass where she lives in a world where she thinks her shit doesn't stink. All she does is bitch about how little time she has now that she is responsible for a human being, how hard nursing school is and how much more she knows than the medical students, how not getting a job at the VA is some sign from Jesus that she needs to open up her own craft/baby clothing store instead of working as a student nurse, or how her mom (who lets her married ex-knocked up immature child stay with her for free under her roof) is just so negative and she needs to move out because it's not working for her or her husband.

First off, this child needs to be hit with the REALITY stick of how fortunate she is. She also needs to be put in her place about her apparent superior knowledge on everything medical compared to doctors. She needs a large dose of shut the fuck up followed by a grow up booster. If she wanted to open up her own business, she should have gone to business school. Last time I checked nursing school didn't give you a window of opportunity to open up your own business. And...you're smarter than a doctor, right? Besides, her little craft projects and "awesome" paintings look like 8th grade projects. I think my 4 year old niece could spit out the same quality in artwork as this girl. She also needs to stop bitching about how hard being a mother and a wife is and realize that it's not playing house like 8 year olds think it is. She should have thought about all that before she had sexy times with her boyfriend with no protection and getting knocked up. Dumbass.


Kate Gosselin. She needs to join Brooke Hogan on What Not to Wear but bypass the clothing and go straight to hair. Nick Arrojo will probably just shave it all off and giver a wig. I think that's what needs to happen. It seriously looks like she fell asleep on the couch and her 8 children thought it would be funny to cut mommy's hair. Because that seriously looks like one of the haircuts I gave my barbies back when I was 5. And with her new found shrew attitude, no wonder rumors of infedelity are flying. Because your husband would quit you faster than you could tell if you became a swirling cesspool of narcissism. Also, having his nuts in a cock-block vice doesn't help either.

Ok, so that was my fun study break of the night. Sorry to be so catty and gossip like, but they all deserve it. Maybe next time I'll talk about the OTHER girl I went to high school with that has now decided that she can explain all drug effects, actions, and side effects because she's a stay at home mom and has a pharmacist husband and the power of pro-life on her side.

UGH!

Happy Step everyone.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

My days have become pretty mundane. Wake up. Make coffee. Pack everything. Settle in classroom wing. Study. Lunch break. Study. Dinner. Study. Bed.

Repeat.

I'm at 12 days and counting. I'm close to sheer panic, but I think it'll take it's full effect when I reach single digits.

I took some off time this weekend. I didn't get much done yesterday on the account of my friend's Lingerie shower. It was a well needed break. I got to catch up with a lot of people. And I also ate myself stupid on sausage dip. That means double time gym-study combination in the next 45 minutes.

I'm starting to get very distressed over the fact that my overall performance on USMLE world has hit a plateau. I eventually saw some (although minimal) progress on overall percentages but now they've slowed to a stubborn halt. and no, not at the 70% that they recommend you achieve before taking STEP. More like "if i continue at this pace, I may not even pass the damn thing". Plus, with my nerves fraying Dr. Pathologist has found endless entertainment in calling me up and quizzing me on the most ridiculous of renal pathology. Haegman factor? Really? I don't even remember what the hell that is.

The only good thing that will come out of just being done with step is starting M3 year. I know, 2 weeks into it I'll already be threatening to drop out and become a penguin washer at SeaWorld, but I'm at least excited to be starting off on specialties. I start on Plastics with Two Tiny Letters (which I am COMPLETELY pumped about) and I got transplant like I wanted! And all I have to say is thank the Lord Sweet Baby Jesus I did NOT get neurosurgery. That in itself will make surgery a better rotation. I eventually round it up with general and SICU. So I'm actually getting pretty pumped about my surgery rotation. I just hope I don't end up liking it, because the last thing I see myself doing (besides anything involving neuro) is surgery. But we'll see. I'm not against it completely. Just reluctant.

With that being said, I need to get on it so I can at least break 200 on this stupid test.

Good luck to everyone!

My Defense Mechanisms

So, I have about 16 days and counting until I take the USMLE STEP 1 exam. I basically spend all day either doing USMLE world questions or reading my First Aid. Of course, that's all accompanied by at least 1 freak out per day. Whether it's because I got a 30% on a question block that has a 56% average, or I take a NBME practice test and make a 186, or I take the USMLE world assessment test and realize I do worse the second time around on subjects I dominated the first time. Plus, 2 weeks of intense preparation have resulted in minimal progress (read: probably by chance)

So, I have decided that I engage in several primative (immature) and less primative (mature) defense mechanisms.

1. Acting out-unacceptable feelings and thoughts are expressed through actions. Example: tantrums. This is what I do at least once a day when I become frustrated with myself and the fact I suck at med school.

2. Denial-avoidance of awareness of some painful reality. Example: I tell myself that these tests are hard on purpose to scare us into studying and I really don't know THAT little. This happens shortly after my tantrum and help me take some deep breaths so I can get back to studying. Surely I don't do that bad on step. Will I?

3. Regression-Turning back the maturation clock and going back to earlier modes of dealing with the world. Example: crying. well, I'm not much of a cryer, but I have had some tears well up lately

4. Suppression-voluntary withholding of an idea or feeling from conscious awareness. Example: choosing not to think about the exam until the week of it. I try not to think about it, or think about how little I apparently know. I think Denial feeds this in my head and vice versa.

So there you go. I have admitted that studying for STEP has made me completely bat shit crazy (probably more on that to come) and we all learned of different defense mechanisms including real-life examples.

Thanks for playing.

I Suck

2 min, 1/4 mile if you round up, fast walk for 28 min. Where did that 3/4 of a mile in 6 min go? geez!

Also, according to the NBME, I'm going to do just good enough on step to pass, but become a psychiatrist. Not even the family medicine or internal medicine people would take me (seeing how there is a desperate shortage and they are trying to get numbers up. According to NBME I shouldn't even BE in med school). Ugh! I've got a long way to go in 22 days!

I feel like I don't study enough. Sure, I'm off my computer and have first aid in front of me. But I catch myself staring out the window or just at some dot on the wall. It's like my brain is refusing. Especially with BIOCHEM. and I didn't go to their reviews either. their powerpoints didn't teach me anything last year, and they won't teach me anything this year either.

I hope everyone is getting off to a better start. I also hope that NBME and USMLE world qbank hasn't destroyed anyone else's soul, hopes, and/or dreams.

I Miss the 90's

24 days and counting. I actually managed to get higher than USMLE world avg test taker's score! wahoo! That'll probably be the ONLY time avg is 56% and I make 57%. haha.

Took a study break to gym. Still haven't climbed back on that treadmill. It'll happen soon. Did 30 min of elliptical at 20 resistance. Did lunges/squats/calf raises yesterday so my entire lower body is sore. Gotta lose a little weight before my beach trip!

And can I just say that I think there needs to be a petition for MTV to change their name. I haven't seen a full length music video (therefore excluding the sorry excuse for the music video countdown that was TRL) since 1997. They are no longer music television. It's crappy reality and the embarassing remnants of the show The Real World. They need to be re-named Reality TV or Brain Rot TV or something like that. Because they are getting credit for what they used to be, which was a completely awesome channel full of music videos and everything to do with music. Which it no longer is. So please, people at "MTV". Change the name. You only bring disappointment when I eagery flip to your channel in hopes of seeing quality. You no longer provide me with Ozzy Osbourne's latest music video, episodes of Ren and Stimpy or Beavis and Butthead, or The Real World: Seattle. So give it up. Change the name, and let the wonderful memories of what you were remain as is. Don't pollute them with what you have become.

26 Days

I have 26 days left to study for STEP. Let's just say, the fire under my ass has been lit. Granted, it's been hard getting back on the study wagon but it's getting easier the more i remind myself of the impending deadline.

I went to my friend's wedding last night. she looked absolutely beautiful. I'm really happy for the both of them. And I also ate about 10 lbs of awesome chicken salad sandwich, chicken, and the wedding cake that was so awesome. I had a great time and I was really happy to find that the dress I bought for the wedding fit me better last night than when I bought it. Thank you calorie counting and running!

Well, I don't have much to talk about. I'm starting off on biochem and will work my way thru the rest of first year material. The diagnostic I took the other day scared the ever living shit out of me, but it was good because it showed me that all the first year material has left my face. So what did I do? Made blueberry muffins this morning.

Also, I'm really excited about my new glasses. They're kinda vintage looking. Very 1950's cat eyed with a little something on the sides. woot! Now if I could just decide what I want to do with my hair, I'd be all set.


Now onto Glycolysis, Gluconeogenesis, HMP shunt, and rate limiting enzymes! Ugh. Someone stick a fork in my eye to make the pain go away.

I see the light! Wait, uh oh.

So I'm rapidly sprinting toward that light at the end of my basic science years when I remember that it's really a train called STEP 1 and I should turn around and run in the other direction. But, mind over matter, I'm still running toward the light.

Not to say that I most likely failed the pharm board and won't have to worry about turning tail and running because the pharmacology dept will yank on my bungee and pull me right where I belong. Taking pharm over again. Well, maybe not the whole class. I can see them making me re-take that stupid board because I'm estimating my grade to be a whopping 25 when usual boards are around 500. ugh. If I had known to just study mechanisms vs. I don't know, CLINICAL RELEVANCE, then maybe I could have broken triple digits. Ugh, I hate pharm. Radiology it is!

Today begins STEP 1 study intensity. I will be spending the next 30 days in the classroom wing trying to cram 2 years worth of info BACK into my head. Wish me luck!

Until next time!

Boards Define My Life

So I've realized that I'll pretty much be taking boards from here until I retire. Good news: they're boards and test general knowledge vs. memorization. The bad news: I'll never get away from taking tests.

Since I have today off I took myself to the gym again. 3/4 of a mile in 7 min. my little legs were cranking it out! Total 30 min, around 2 miles (can't remember, it's between 1.75 and 2), and 211 calories burned. It felt really good to just run and NOT listen to Goljan for a change (instead listening to my "run" playlist). 5k's, here I come!

Gotta go study before my friend's wedding shower tonight. Then why-the-hell-do-I-care board in the morning, then party in the afternoon!

My social calendar has never been so full.