I've Been A Bad Blogger

Hello World! I have been told by my friend that I needed to blog. So here it is. So I guess I should update everyone.

I spent February on my internal medicine sub-i rotation. I'll just say that it's over and that's that. I was with my good friend Dr. Anesthesiologist and back with my favorite Infectious Disease attending from last year. My residents were cool and the M3's weren't too shabby overall. I watched my first death declaration, saw agonal breathing, and looked into the eyes of a man dying of lung cancer and gasping for air. It was intense. And it's over.

I've spend this month on pediatric hematology/oncology clinics. It's been horrible. I think it's because 1. it's clinic 2. I don't get to spend as much time in the lab as I thought I could get away with 3. I only love 1 attending and there is 1 that I CAN.NOT.STAND. Like, extreeeeeeme personality conflict. On the up side I still get to see awesome pathology, the kids are CUTE, and I've gotten to do bone marrow biopsies and aspirations. So there is some redemption. Plus I get to do a presentation on Juvenile Xanthogranuloma and nerd out on it. Plus, it's my LAST ROTATION OF MED SCHOOL! woo!

So, with that I'll say a few words on the whole match day process. I got my email that monday saying that I matched. So the boy and I proceeded to eagerly await thursday. So after about the 20 or so people that got called before me I was so nervous I was going to puke. I think the boy was about to light a cigarette in the middle of the auditorium to try and calm his nerves as well. I don't remember much between hearing my name, REGISTERING that it was indeed my name that was called, then going and sitting back down in my seat. I remember getting my envelope, reading my institution, RE-reading it to make sure it was really on the paper and my mind wasn't just making it up, then walking to the microphone to read it out. I couldn't say it fast enough, almost fearing that if I didn't say it quickly it wouldn't be true. I re-read the envelope's contents AGAIN when I sat down just to make sure.

It is official. I'm going to be a pathologist. I got my #1 choice in programs. I'll be moving 700 miles away.

I am so.excited. I leave sunday to go up with my dad and look at houses. I'm hoping to physically move up there the first 2 weeks of May. I am really excited for all my friends who matched. It's going to be sad being so far away, but there will always be blog land! (and phone calls and texts haha).

Speaking of blogs, this one is tied to my old email address. I'm going to make a new one for residency that's linked to my new email address. Details on that to follow when I actually get around to making it.

I'm sure i'll have fun pictures when I return from my trip.

House hunting is FUN.

Smitten

Hematopathology this week. Been working with one of the docs I asked for a rec letter. Hopefully I've stepped up my game and I'll get a good one. I'm even doing a presentation at end of the month conference on Hemoglobin SC disease (two letters, you'd appreciate this one!). I'm kinda pumped, and trying REALLY hard to make sure I don't have a really long talk. I want to go into sickle cell and just plain hemoglobin C disease, but that can't happen. They told me to keep it under 10 min. I think I can do that if I talk fast (which I usually do when I'm nervous). Right now it's looking like about 10-15 slides so I should make it. I believe I'm completely smitten with this idea of being a pathology professor one day. I've really enjoyed coming up with a presentation.

So I'm absolutely loving CP. Have I mentioned that lately? haha. Oh, and the interview invites have started, mainly with a lot of the East Coast programs (which is what I was told to suspect according to SDN) and a select few southern programs have sent me the email "we're reviewing your application and you should heard from us starting by this date". So it's exciting! Hopefully I'll have a job in path by March 17th!

I believe that I shall be jinxing myself, but you know how the minute you swear off guys, and plan to be single then start looking after "residency settles in a routine", is the minute you find someone?

Yeah, guess who that happened to.

But that's all I'm saying about that.

Off to look up some numbers and google photos for my presentation.

ERAS makes me have the sads

So for all of you outside the medicine world, it's Sept 3. Meaning I've had 3 full days to submit my residency application to various institutions. And I'm.Too.Chicken.  I've spent the last 4 years building up to this moment.. And it's like "this is it?". It's exciting and terrifying. I'm absolutely terrified at this moment. Mainly because it's stressful thinking that I could still get turned down. I thought we were done with that point in our lives! Why am I still having to compete and vie for a position now? I have a passion! I have a drive! I have the career that is perfect for me! Ugh, I think my hair may be falling out. I'm giving myself until Monday. Monday will be last day to submit. Of course not everyone is privy to the Path residency application issue this year. There is a possibility there will be 7 (SEVEN) people doing path this year. 1. I think this is GREAT. I think everyone should do path because it is the best specialty EVER 2. Oh s*@#& there are only 2 spots here. What if it's that competitive everywhere this year? What if I don't get in anywhere? What if I have to scramble? What if I scramble into anything BUT path.

See why I'm stressed?

Other than that I'm on my clinical path rotation. I'm loving it so far! I'm on blood bank this week, and I got to tour the local blood services place. it was amazing! I could see myself doing blood bank one day. Totally cool. When I get back from the long weekend I get to follow a bag of blood from collection to recipient (kinda, as much as the med school can do). HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! I was honestly a little reserved about the clinical side, thinking I wouldn't enjoy it as much as anatomic. Now I'm sure I'm going to enjoy getting AP/CP trained.. woo!

I also enjoy being back at the "U". I've been away at the family medicine clinics doing my ambulatory rotation. I was so removed from everyone! I got lonely at times eating lunch by myself. Kinda sad. But now I have people to eat with. Even though I'm feeling a bit withdrawn, I think it'll be ok. I"m afraid that my neurosis about applications is coming off as "I'm rubbing it all in your face" instead of "I'm freaking out and need someone to tell me it's ok". Ugh, I hate this.

Ok, well, I'm going to go watch more of "I love the 80's"  (ok, seriously, best decade ever! I'm thinking of wearing my hair totally 80's from now on now that it's long enough) and maybe lay in bed and watch a movie. Tomorrow entails laundry and gym and sleeping. Yes. Perfect weekend.

I'm Home

I take my Step2 CS on Monday and there's a mixed feeling of anticipation and excitement. I'm so terrified of failing this stupid thing, mainly because it's another grand I don't have. I'm excited to get it over with and not have to think about it ever again and have it behind me. I'm jealous of those who have already completed the exam, mainly because I've been having to study during my rotation.

All I have to say about my Path rotation is that I now know, with 100% conviction, that THIS is what I'm supposed to do with my life. I don't think anyone has seen a student squeal in excitement when a limb gets brought in fresh from one of the OR's. I of course cannot do what any of the residents do (what happened to all that histology I used to know? alas), but I just get so excited over everything. I love tumor board. I love unknown conference. I love biopsies. Just so awesome. I haven't done any autopsy or surg path yet (they organized us all it's funny) but I will after this week. So far I've had cytology and hemepath. I haven't enjoyed heme path quite as much as I wanted, but it still is fun. Such a fun game! "is this a blast, mono, or gran?" hahaha. yes. I have found my niche. Finally. Everyone keeps remarking on the stupid happy smile that has permanently adhered to my face. I just can't wait when I get to do it all day, every day. AND get paid.

Well, suppose I'm off to go and study some stupid cases. Can't wait for Monday to be over with.
Hope everyone is as happy as I am :)

Adventure, or Lack Thereof

So I've had several days of whirlwind since my step2 ck.

Thurs: Step 2 CK. Long, long, long test (9 hours!) that wasn't as bad as I was thinking but not as easy as I was hoping. NBME has some type of psychic powers to put what you don't know ALL.OVER. the test. For me? about 10-15 acid/base disturbances and various questions that involved a baseline interpretation. Ugh. I suck at acid/base. When ph, CO2, O2 and Bicarb are all wonky and nothing makes sense (low ph, low CO2, low Bicarb I have NO IDEA what is going on) I just shut down. Hopefully I have improved my score (my goal is unrealistic like always and I'll be very happy to be at least 20 points higher than my step 1)

Friday: Relax/rehearsal dinner for my friend's wedding. Everything went swimmingly except my dad's best friend died. He was cherished by our family and we all felt as if he was part of the family.

Sat: Friend's wedding with an awesome reception! I think I spent about 2 hours on the dance floor, and sweat about 30% of my total body fluids. Fabulous time! I woke up sore on sun morning (and thirsty!)

Sun and Mon: wake and funeral for Papa. He will be greatly missed. I don't think my dad knows quite to do with himself which makes me sad. He was a wonderful person and I know that I will miss him (he was the best 80 year old smart ass on the planet :) )

Tues: hang out with cupcake queen who is back from Honduras! Just chillin and got some groceries

Wed: yet to be decided

Thurs: I START MY PATHOLOGY ROTATION! sooooooooo excited!!!! Kinda nervous knowing I need to make a good impression and work to get some letters. But finally so happy to be doing what I want.

So, unfortunately, I never did go on an adventure. I didn't want to miss saying goodbye to Papa. I have August off, so there will be plenty of time for adventures then and later in the year. I plan on going to St. Louis and Boston for some fun times. Or wherever I will float.

It's going to be a great year!

Big Smiles

With one week left in my pediatric rotation, 6 weeks separating me from my STEP2 CK, and 7 weeks before I begin my 4th year, there's not much to smile about. I'm exhausted, overworked, and frustrated.

But when one of the pathology interns stops in the hall just to ask when you're rotating in the dept and smiles and says "yay" it just makes my day. I'm excited about my pathology months and cannot wait to be there. I just hope I can make a good impression and get some good letters. And by god, I need to get my research month thrown together about..NOW. however, YAY PATHOLOGY!!!!! :D

I hope everyone finds one thing to make them smile today, even if it's friday!

False Alarm

So wards taught me that Peds really isn't for me. (whew!). I realized I just love the kids. They are great. The math behind it all is not so much. I like math just fine, but calculating kcal/kg/day or meds gives me a headache. Pathology all the way! (as many of you guys have said since second year).

There is about 3 weeks left in 3rd year. It is awesome and scary both at the same time. I'm ready to get on with my career and start residency, but the process to get there seems very daunting right now. I'm sure I'll trudge along and get through it. Right now I just look at the task ahead and just heave a very large ::sigh:: I'm sure over the next few months I'll blog my way through personal statement, applications, interview and the finale: MATCH DAY (how SCARY is that guys???!!! it's going to be US in March!!!!!)

I guess I'll wander around maybe go study for my step 2. Today a friend and I went to the trail out by the Natchez trace. It was really nice! I plan to frequent the area more often (unfortunately I'll have to wait for another person or someone who will lend me their dog-I don't feel safe going by myself). yay for finding new things to do in Jacktown!

Spare Me

*Begin Rant*
Before I came to medical school, I spent 32 hours shadowing at UMC. At the end of those 32 hours, I realized 3 things: 1. cardiology is for the birds 2. Ob/Gyn seemed like fun 3. I LOVE AUTOPSIES

After I was accepted into medical school and started my first two years of the perpetual hot dog eating contest for the brain, I figured out 3 things: 1. neuroanatomy is used in hell as torture 2. I hate pharmacology 3. I LOVE PATHOLOGY AND HISTOLOGY

Then I started my 3rd year. So far I have endured surgery, family medicine, psychiatry, internal medicine, neurology. I learned 3 things: 1. crazy people are only fun while they are crazy 2. patients make me feel awkward and uncomfortable ESPECIALLY if they are crying 3. I like diagnosing and learning disease processes, but I don't do treatments, treatment plans, and medication bingo.

I've banked a good amount of shadow time in the path dept using my own time. Yes people, when I have a day off I go RUNNING to the gross room and spend ALL.DAY. there. With a smile on my face. ALL.DAY. I love it there. So no, no I don't want you to tell me I'm "wasting great interpersonal skills" or that I'm "too upbeat to be a pathologist" or that I'd "have a very promising career in ::insert specialty here::".

Let me clue you in on 3 things:
1. Interpersonal skill is needed in a pathologist because I will be telling YOU what the biopsy showed. I kinda need good skills to get the message across. Also, I want to stay in academics so me wanting to teach future doctors kinda requires me to have good interpersonal skills. Don't you think?
2. I know I would have a promising career in ::whatever the hell you envision for me::. I'm in medical school. I'm smart enough to get here, pass the first two years, get through Step 1, and then spend my time doing scut work for various specialties. I know I'll have a promising career in ANYTHING I choose to go into. It just happens to be pathology.
3. Yes, I'm a happy person (most of the time). That doesn't mean I need to do medicine, or peds, or ob, or whatever. Pathologists are happy people too. We're even ::gasp:: social! You know, we have to interact with other pathologists, the secretaries, the techs and EVEN OTHER DOCTORS.

So, yes. Interpersonal skills, broad knowledge base, and personality are all important qualities of your neighborhood pathologist. As is for an internal medicine doc, a pediatrician, or whatever you may be.

So spare me. I don't need your opinions, suggestions, or thoughts on the matter.

*End Rant*

My Calling

So I spent a total of 8 hours in the department today. I almost forgot to eat lunch. I didn't realize my back hurt until I sat in my car. I kept yawning due to an unfortunate 5 am wakeup (long story, the house phone kept ringing) but never felt tired. I got excited every time we moved on to a new case. I was sad to leave and I'm excited to go back in the morning.

Guess where I was.

If you said pathology, you were correct. As scary as it sounds to me right now, I think I may have found my calling. I'm not ruling anything out. I am still very excited about family med, and medicine, and maybe OB. Maybe. But if none of those can make me stand on my feet for 8 hours and still have a huge smile on my face I may just have to end up doing that for the rest of my career. At least I know that I have one specialty in medicine that I absolutely love. Maybe one of my friends is right. Why am I fighting it? Because I don't want to be close minded. I really hope the faculty likes me. I hope they don't take offense when I say that I want extra exposure before 4th year so I can make up my mind. That I am interested but want to keep my options open. half the time I think I open my mouth and moron diarrhea comes flowing out my mouth in the form of words. Ugh.

I need to chill. Just be myself. They're cool like that.

Another WOOT for surgery being OVER!

I was reminded of my friend HemeOnc Doc today when we looked at bone marrow aspirates and biopsies. Woot hematopathology!

And going with the trend: Boy, what a softshell I'm turning out to be-Sebastian, The little Mermaid