Saying Our Goodbyes

I think within the past week I've had to do some of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I had to say goodbye to my dog of 16 years. I've gotten better about talking about it, but it still makes me tear up. If you're ever around me and see me tear up out of the blue, you know I'm thinking about my dog. She was old. And senile. She couldn't hear or see. She had peed on herself while asleep. She spent the last few nights of her life crying as if she was in pain. She had been my baby for the past 16 years. So on the first of two whole days I got off from medicine, I took her to the vet. I won't go more into it, but I never left her. I held her head in my hands and still pet her even after her heart stopped. I even cried in public. I miss her every day. I come home and don't see her. Today when I got home from the store I called for her to take her out (it was one of my routines) but then I remembered. It's so hard, but something I knew would come one day. I just hoped that she'd just never wake up one day instead of having to hold her and watch as she took her last breath. What's worse was that I wanted to scream "I changed my mind! put her back! bring her back!" but I knew I couldn't. It was final. It was done. She was gone.

In with that whole goodbye theme my life has recently taken, I also had to give back sweet precious little kitty. Mainly because Gryffin has spent most of his days trying to murder her. We found out that spraying him down with water was the only way to get him off her. So back she had to go. I'm really sad but I know it's better for her. I really did want to keep her. She was so so so sweet.

So really, the past week has really sucked for me. Not only because of my overanxious partner (granted my eval from my attending was surprisingly positive. I was just happy the word "slacker" was never mentioned) but because I've lost 2 animals in the past week. I just hope that christmas time will be pleasant. I know I need the time off just to collect myself and sleep and just be normal. Medicine really sucks. I think it actually sucks worse than surgery! Luckily my time on blue medicine will end friday at 5 pm.

Speaking of sucky hours, I need to get ready for bed. Got to be up early to pre-pre round.