So, I know I have tests starting a week from today, but I just had to post this because I feel that it will get some of it out of my head so I can focus.
One of my friends recently started dating a long ago friend and ex of mine. No, I'm not upset. Which is what everyone has asked. Honestly, I couldn't be happier for them. All I have ever wanted for any of my friends and even ex's is happiness. What weirds me out is that...well, it's those two dating each other. From my knowledge they have been friends for a long time, and what I had been told each of them considered the other on the level of a sibling. Practically one of those people you could just never date because you couldn't get around the awkward. My brain just can't wrap around the idea. If I try to think about it, it's like my brain flashes some blue screen of death and I immediately start thinking about puppies. It's rather odd. I don't know how long it will take me before I will be able to not shut down to the idea. Happy for them, yes. Comprehend how this happened? No.
Which made my mind trail into another thought. They were friends for a long time. Does that mean that there is a hidden agenda behind every guy/girl friendship? Does it mean that every friendship I have had with a guy has had a secret motive behind it of possibly dating or getting into my pants one day? Or can a guy and a girl just have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company on a completely platonic level?
I started analyzing past friendships I had with guys. Several did end up with what can politely be referred to as friends with benefits. Some I have kept on strict friend level for years. There are the exceptions. Like they never call or hang out or want to talk to me unless they're single. Or the ones that always were trying to get with me and I was just too oblivious to notice. Or the one that I can't shake the feeling that he keeps his distance now because he thought I was in love with him when I was really talking about someone else.
I don't have the answer. Maybe it exists on a person to person basis. Maybe what makes us friends in the first place is that instant attraction that eventually turns into friendship once a relationship failed to begin. Whatever the case, I guess no one can really say if there is a secret motive behind the friendship or not. I suppose the best way is to just be upfront with each other, and ask if they want or have considered more. Maybe you'll get an honest answer. Maybe not. And maybe the friendship will be solid enough that if you are split on the issue, that it can still prevail if one person feels different from the other. Or, in the best case scenerio, telling them that you have always felt a spark can lead you to the most amazing relationship. Friendships are based on love. Be it platonic love, or romantic love...love is always there. I love all my friends. Some more than others, and sometimes even in a different way. Love is still the foundation as to why I hold them to be such precious members of my life. Maybe one day I can confront some of these questions myself. Grow some nuts and just have that awkward conversation just to know.
On a RANDOM note, I had no idea that Flyleaf was a christian band. Who would have known? Ok, Mr. Graphic designer...you probably did. Although, you fully realize that I'm retarded. :) Although, I do have you to thank for introducing me to Flyleaf. Whenever I hear one of their songs, I think of you. Miss you!
Flyleaf, All around me
My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you
This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you
I'm alive, I'm alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place
The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you
I'm alive, I'm alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you owe me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed
2 comments:
from what i can tell, the fans hotly contest the 'christian' part amongst themselves.... some say absolutely; some say no way in hell, that people are just reading into their lyrics.... i've actually never bothered to research what flyleaf themselves had to say about it.... hmmmm... maybe i should do that? haha. i do quite enjoy them myself, but i usually envision that she's talking about a guy who's not of the godly persuasion....
as far as the rest of your post, it would be fun to discuss that in person some time.... i've pondered about guy/girl motives myself.... i'm not sure there's a clear answer. but like you said, on some level, a friendship is based on love, so i think most if not all friendships are capable of taking it to another level whether or not that was originally intended or mulled over. of course, this is a much longer conversation than i care to type out on this blog's comment section.... haha. to be continued!!! :) anyway, i liked the post.... nice and thought provoking.... :)
good luck studying!!!
when i used to hang out with super conservatives, it was told to me that on some subconscious level, all boy/girl friendships start out with one party having a "love interest" in the other. i can see that to some extent with my friendships, but then there are definitely those that i'm like, nope, no way. and i know that completely doesn't answer the question...haha...
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