Maybe It's Just Me

I'm really getting frustrated with this whole "medical school" thing.

1. they like to play "experiment with the curriculum". Which includes our grades. I'm getting pretty sick and tired of having to pay for previous classes. Like when the biostats professor says he's tired of people blowing off his class (which, remind you, is worth 24 hours to path's 200) so he makes the test impossible. So now, instead of being encouraged by making decent grades, we're discouraged and hate the piece of shit excuse for medical school algebra because you decided to make the test shittastically impossible. Yeah, you really showed us.

2. I figured that at age 24, and in professional school, busywork would become a thing of the past. Clearly I'm advanced enough in my education I don't need "homework" anymore. Well, that's exactly what psych has decided to do with their little quizzes. I won't complain much about prev med or biostats, because at least you can take those until you get all the questions right. But psych has basically given us homework to complete. I guess I was too hasty to assume that at this level in my education I was self driven and disciplined enough to learn the material on my own without having to answer a bunch of questions on the previous lecture. Guess not.

3. Yes, I'm fully aware that there is this big bad board test called step 1. Currently, I'm staring down the barrel of the metaphorical gun. However, giving me come to Jesus moments and then freaking out when I tell you that no, no I have NOT started studying because I'm desperately trying to keep up with the new M2 curriculum is not helping me. So how about you stop telling me what a big deal this test is and how you don't want everyone to fail again this year and get these course directors on leashes and tell them that they can't take up all my time with pointless quizzes and tests that dont' reflect in any way, shape, or form ANYTHING they covered in lecture. Yes, I'm scared shitless about step because it plays a part in determining my future career. However, if I don't pass these out of control classes (as little as they contribute to my overall grade, I still have to pass) I can't even take the damn thing so I'm still stuck in a shitcreek without a paddle and a hole in the bottom of my canoe. So stop reminding me.

Ok, I feel better. Let's all now see what Izzy has! (I'm thinking it's some weird AV malformation causing strokes in the frontal lobe. But I hated neuro and just passed, so I'm most likely wrong!)

T minus 3 Tests

So, it's kinda hard to study when you have a playful kitty poking his head/paws/appendages/tail around the side of the computer screen to distract you from studying in order to focus on the cuteness. I really hope I end up taking him with me when I move off to residency. I'd be too sad without him.

Also, like puberty transforms boys into garbage disposals, so does test week transform me into a bottomless pit. There goes my diet, running, being good, and actually losing weight. Maybe by Friday it'll transform me into an alcoholic as well.

Now if you excuse me, I need to get one of those hemorrhoid donuts for my freshly biostatistically raped ass.

G'day.

Lost and Found

Test week kicks off tomorrow at 9 am. And honestly, I can't find my give a crap anywhere. I think I've lost it by this point. I'm very burnt out and unmotivated to complete this next week. The only thing I can think about is STEP and how it plays a role in determining the rest of my life (as good as the head shrink's intentions were, I'm sure there's more to it than simply passing it the first time).

Running/gymming has become a wonderful procrastination tool for myself. It gives me a chance to get away from studying,books, and sitting. I actually like working out now. I think I've found a new hobby.

I can't wait for spring break. I'm hoping to go visit a friend that lives in Gulport, but other than that I'll be in Jackson. I've toyed with the idea of going up to the hospital and shadowing a bit. We'll see. I don't think I'll be heading out to Dallas to visit Dr. Pathologist and Dr. Dermpath. Maybe I'll save that for June. I've been annoying Dr. Pathologist enough with my renal questions that I'm positive he's excited for an Ewok free week. He hasn't mentioned me coming over the break anymore, and I'm not going to push it.

Anyway, I suppose I'll go learn some drugs for pharm or something.

I.want.spring.break.now.

Type B=I Don't Give a Crap

This week has already been very busy. I've come to realize I'm in deep shit for pharm again and I'm so tired of classes it just about makes me want to 1. drink 2. vomit 3. find some xanax. Well, psychiatry has already driven me to 1 and most likely will progress to 3 and 2 very rapidly. Although I will give it to psych for pointing out to Officer Helga that she has schizotypal personality disorder. It was priceless how he came up to her during that ONE personality disorder, asked her name, then made sure she was taking notes and "make sure to write that down". Priceless.

Also, there has been some bickering over next year class schedules. We were supposed to get an email today telling us what groups and schedules we ended up with , and would be allowed to swap around and get our final schedules by next week. Well, we have tests next week, and some people brought up the concern about having to deal with all the swapping and such during test week. I guess I never thought about it, but I can see their point. Not only being all stressed out about tests but also stressed about not being in the group you want and having to swap and finding someone to swap, etc, etc. However, I was pretty excited about seeing what I got and who I ended up with. So I can see how others are angry that they decided last minute to go ahead and draw but not release the information for another 2 weeks.

Personally, since I can see both sides, I don't care. I guess that separates my personality from others in my class. I think I'm more Type B in my personality where the majority of the class is Type A. Not saying Type A is bad, but I tend to see myself being more "go with the flow" when compared to some of my colleagues. I would have dealt with it during test week, or if I felt like it was too much just keep the schedule, not swap, study for tests, and deal with my group and schedule next year without complaining. Since the decision has been made, then I'll just wait until they release the info, because there's nothing I can do to change it now. I just hate that several people I know are upset over the postponement, because that'll be stress and worry during test week for them anyway and doesn' t accomplish the original goal of not releasing schedules.

Oh, and as a save my ass from being chewed out...No, I didn't email anyone to complain. I was just going to deal with it during test week. Or like I said, if I felt like it was going to take too much of my time, deal with the schedule I ended up with and not participate in swapping.

I'm just ready to be an M3

Juggling Really Sharp Knives

Right now there's some Eastern European doctor lecturing about nephrology. I can't understand him and he talks about two shades over a whisper. So I'm doing my internetting.

So this weekend my USMLE world opened up. I was doing ok when I was picking the subjects I liked...embryology, histology, genetics. But when I went to the random questions from all subjects, then I started getting depressed. I guess I'm not that bad off considering I haven't looked at first year materials yet. Plus, I still have time.

I'm over psychiatry. Give me my 70 and fuck off. I don't care anymore. I'm also over test block, and I hate pharmacology with a passion. I'm tired of memorizing drugs. Prev med is ok and biostats is growing on me. I love pathology so it doesn't bother me much. I'm ready to be an M3. I'm tired of sitting and rotting behind a computer screen.

I'm anxious about 3rd year schedules. I really don't care about the order. I'll have to do it all eventually. I just hope hope hope I get in with a good group. I wrote down all the people I'd rather not have to deal with next year, and it came up to 20 people. Some were a total NO, others were a they're not so bad but I'd just rather not. So worst case scenerio, I get 14 of those 20 in a group. And I just have to swap. Or, best case, my praying will work out and I'll get in with a good group. Cross your fingers for wed!

My lent list is growing. I've decided to stop the dessert desserts. Like cookies, cake, ice cream...that stuff. I have a horrible sweet tooth and the past week that's all I've wanted. I really need to get a grip. So this will help with my self control. Even though I'm starting late, I don't think The Big Guy minds. haha.

Also, my running regimen is going well. I came down with a cold during my first official week, and took about 3 days off. So I just repeated the first week again. So I'm a week behind the estimated schedule, but I'm ok with that. I'll start my second week today and it looks tough. Even though, I'm really excited about being able to one day call myself a runner. I've always wanted to. I'm starting to just go for things I've always wanted instead of letting excuses and pre-conceived notions of myself stop me anymore.

I feel like I don't see anyone anymore. Between everything academically and now trying to fit in gym and running, I've become very selfish with my time. It's like with everything going on, I'm constantly juggling everything. Although, I like my me time. I miss my friends. I hope no one takes offense and realize that once step is over, and hopefully pass, the hospital may eat me but I should have weekends off. I keep trying to tell myself it'll get better. As of right now, it has. Oh well, long live the nerd hole!

Stronger

So this week just hasn't been the best for me. Especially today. You would think it would turn out to be a good one, since I got the day off by coincidence. So I woke up, had my coffee, turned in my psych quiz. Thus started the bad day. Let me preface this by saying I had put more than 4 hours into this quiz. QUIZ. Not test. Which, according to the course director or supreme hancho or whatever he wants to call himself, will look a lot like the quizzes. GREEEEEAAAAAT. I'm definitely going to fail psych. Not only have I put that much time into the quiz just to turn up a big fat "you suck", but left me neglecting my other courses. So I've had to do some pharm and path and biostats and prev med. Let's just say that I have NO IDEA what my prev med test will look like, and biostats is nothing but glorified algebra for the med student. I'm hoping to do well on path and pharm, but we'll see. I just can't do the rest of my work because psych has just been piling up these quizzes. Not to mention this past one has been the worst yet. There's always the retake, right?

My friend actually went to Momma Medschool and vented about psych. They said that they've been getting complaints. She said that someone else was also in the office, and was going to email the Dean to see if they can't put a leash on psych. From what I heard, if enough people email complaints, they may be able to fix the ridiculousness that has become our psychiatry class. So I may go in monday and voice a concern about the upcoming test. Because if I spend 4-6 hours on a quiz, open book, and still can't make above an 80, I'm scared.

Another thing that has been causing me great anxiety is 3rd year schedules. Granted, I think I have been so lucky to end up in the class of 2011. The class above us is full of freaks and cuthroat gunners, while the class below us is full of overanxious, overachieving puppies. Our class isn't without its freaks, don't get me wrong. However, I feel like with the exception of a handful of people, I could work and pretty much professionally get along with almost everyone. Sure, there are the few that I'll dread getting on the same schedule, especially Officer Helga. I think she's the one person in the entire class that NO ONE wants to be on rotations with. Especially since she's already corrected a resident as a second year student. As much as I would love to personally be on rotations with her just to personally see her get verbally cornholed by a resident, I'd much rather just avoid the entire experience. Even though the first or the 300th time would be just as entertaining. I'm sure it won't get old and will be like some type of consolation prize for being stuck with her on rounds. I'll just have to see how it all plays out. I turned in my schedule and I just hope for the best. And even if I do end up with her, Momma Medschool has assured me that 1. you'll get the chance to work with others 2. a person's behavior will not affect your grade if you make sure you make a good impression and go out of your way to show them you're not associated with the bum partner and 3. there's always xanax. haha. no, I just added in #3. But it's still true. I just really hope I get in a good group, and I'm sure with such a great class overall I'm bound to have a good experience.

What does not kill us only makes us stronger.

Also, the korean/asian store didn't have Kimchee. I made a special trip out there JUST for kimchee. Supposedly there's going to be fresh kimchee tomorrow, so I'll just have to make another trip out. Also, I had a 2 liter of sprite explode in my car, now causing me to need a serious shampooing of my carpet in the back. At least it didn't stain, but that just didn't help with the disgruntledness I feel with everything that's just gone wrong.

So the rest of the weekend, i'll be catching up with biostats and pharm hopefully. I've successfully completed my laundry. I need to clean but that's iffy. I'm just hoping the crapfest that has been the past week or so will resolve and I'll take the test block going smoothly.

On a better note, I hope it rains tonight (after I get back from the gym!!!!) so I can sleep and watch movies in bed. I like stormy weather.

What I Did This Weekend

Pathology. Lots and lots of pathology. Renal pathology to be exact. I read all my handouts and the renal chapter in the book. I need to read male GU still, but did make my way through the handouts. Dr. Pathologist has been very patient with me since I've called almost every day with questions. He even quizzed me for an hour last night. I feel as though I should be a renal path specialist! Although, I'm no where near that and just like any other block, I hope I can pass.

I also slept. A lot. I came down with a cold friday morning, causing me to miss classes. So I stayed home and between pathology packets I took naps. I also slept in which made me feel much better. I'm just down to some sniffles and a cough. Note that I especially made my bed for the photo. It's never made.

I baked too. These are sticky buns I made for Sunday breakfast/brunch. They were pretty good too! Not too sweet. Just right. This is sourdough bread. After making my own bread for a while, I just can't go back to the bought stuff anymore. So this has become my new thing.Last, but not least, Gryffin supervised the entire weekend.

All in all, I consider this weekend a success. Now I'm in the process of trying to plan a girl's trip to the beach right after the Step. I hope we can get a lot of people to come, because it'll be cheaper for everyone that way! If interested, let me know!

Until next time.